In My Veins (His Pov)

•Oh and I can not get you out. •

He regrets breaking up with her through no words, empty explanations. Three years of love, laughter, and passion between them could never be replaced. Through alcohol and sex, he figured he could get through it. But it didn't stop the thoughts in the back of his mind.

She was the last real thing he's ever known, the last real consistent beat in his life. Being practically on the road for five years, he barely got to see her. But when he did, it was purely, fucking magical. No adrenaline rush from playing endless shows could equal up to the way his heart picked up speed when he saw her.

She was at their show in New York, he remembers when she fell in a crowd, practically breaking her nose. She refused liking him or the bands music, but she admitted that she was present for a friend. That was all he needed to persuade her, just the thought of seeing her again made him jump like a little kid.

It was shocking when she had said yes to his offer, a walk in the park, with all the lights twinkling on the trees. Her smile could've made anybody captive for her, he just so happens to be the lucky prisoner. He was loved by many girls, living the life people dream of. But was it really all it turned out to be?

Now it was all empty stadiums without her there, and it was all empty lyrics now that his muse has flown away. Maybe she made him feel empty after he gave her a handful of empty promises. Maybe she didn't mean to hurt him back at all.

The new year was approaching them both. He thought he could forget her by 2016, but he didn't realize that it could've been 2050 and he'd still remember her. He hopes she'll remember him, but then again he hopes she'll move on.

The way he broke her heart was an unexplainable, painful act. He changed his number, his boss had told him too. She tried calling, but didn't realize no one would ever answer again. Soon enough she realized, he wasn't coming back and she shouldn't try anymore.

He fell for a small town girl, was in her sophomore year of college, just on the brink of 19. Her sarcastic humor and never ending smile made him cave in. He'd fall in love with a completely normal person, he'd have all his dreams come true just to be shattered.

Tonight, on December 31st, 2015, he's surrounded by multiple people on their floating castle, but his worst hell. He missed her and no model would change that, no women in the world could change that.

He's drowned his sorrows in alcohol, allowed to use the drunk excuse on New Year's Eve. Shot after shot, he tried to numb the pain, the pain of hurting her and blaming himself all at once.

Isolation from the party didn't help, it only made him think of her more. The New Years they had spent together, dancing and speaking of secrets until sunup. He had died for sleep those nights, but now he'd dream to never sleep again.

Bloody knuckles from punching through mirrors proved to provide the physical pain but didn't rid of the mental pain he had been suffering. He had fallen to tear stained eyes, and pulling his hair out. He never thought one girl could cause this much distress, but he never knew what love was before her. He'll never know how to love without her.

He'd miss the sleepless nights, tangled up in the sheets, just listening to her voice. She used to calm him down when dark nightmares struck, but he used to hold her tight when he was scared of letting go. He'd never thought he'd push her away, she was his gift from God.

He sits in his room, floating through the waters, hoping to fall asleep soon. His face in his hands, distressed, ready to just give the gig all up. It was ripping his mind apart from the inside out, making him lose his mind slowly.

"I knew this would happen one day, I'd been prepared all along." His wet face shoots up out if his hands. It was her voice he was hearing, something he had longed to hear in what felt like forever.

"You let me go so easily, how?" He looks into the broken mirror, seeing her standing across the room. He thought for a second, maybe I'm going crazy.

"How are you here?" He asks, turning to face her, wanting to touch her more than anything else.

"The memory of me is still tattooed in your mind, my voice, my body. You're drunk, imagining I'm here with you." His mouth parts, and his eyes widen in amazement but also horror. Maybe he was going crazy after all.

"This isn't logical. So you're not really here?" He asks, trying to figure it all out. He shakes his head, trying to make her disappear before his mind collapses before his eyes.

"I'm a real human, back home with my family though. The girl that is standing before you right now, is the memory you have of her. This is all you have left of her, and she's leaving soon." He breaths heavily, trying to get air back into his lungs.

"Where's she going?" His British accent was hoarse, filled with doubt and confusion. Was she forgetting him for good? Did he really want that?

"To happier places in her life, she needs to move on too. She doesn't want to lie in bed and cry any longer." His lips part, sadness filling his whole mind. What has he done to her? Pushing her away, making her cry herself to sleep, it wasn't their perfect love any more.

"How is she just going to leave me? We're in each other's mind, that's why you're here tonight." He was going frantic, losing all shreds of sanity he had left. Why had he gone and broken such a beautiful thing.

"She'll forget you two soon, and so will you. I'll start disappearing, just how it was meant to be. You're having fun with that model anyways, embed her in your mind now." How could he even begin to forget her? She'd never be out of his bloodstream.

"I'll never forget her, you'll be here forever." He started having hope, that this way he'll be able to hear her voice and be able to see her. Just the memory of her would be enough.

"That's not how it works. When she starts forgetting you, then I can leave and be with her thoughts. It might be dark up there for awhile, but you'll have your thoughts back soon as well." His heart rate started picking up, in thoughts that she would forget him soon.

She starts heading for the door, leaving him alone in the spacious room that felt small to him. He starts panicking, trying to think of ways to get her to stay. Maybe he could call her, but wouldn't that just cause her even more pain. He soon realizes, for her to stay happy, he has to let her go even if it meant him being in pain for a lifetime to come.

"Where are you going?" He asks, wanting her to turn around so he could see her face one last time.

"Away." He was scared she would say that, but he wouldn't stop her. She needed to feel okay again, without him.

"Are you coming back?" She turns around, a sincere smile and tears streaming down her face. He knew he was about to be shattered.

"No. I'm going home."  Her hand reaches out for the doorknob, hoping to have the strength to leave him looking so a wreck.

"Why?" He still wanted an explanation, he wanted to know why she was forgetting him so easily, how could she have done it so simply?

"Because you told me to." He lowers his head, letting the tears roll off his cheeks. But he regrets the act instantly, because when he looks back up, she's gone. Not even a trace of her was left behind.

Now he was left alone in a room again, to think of his thoughts. He couldn't remember the sound of her voice anymore, and he couldn't remember the things she had said to him years ago.

She had gone back home, hoping to find peace in her mind. All traces of her voice disappeared from his mind, leaving him internally torn for a lifetime. Somehow, he had never truly loved again.