Young Heartbreak

Every teenager does it, almost regrets it immediately after. Falling in love with someone that doesn't even know how to pronounce your last name. School crushes are always sweet and innocent until you realize that the boy you've been in love with for years just doesn't think you're good enough. Innocence doesn't come in a form of heartbreak and looking in a mirror, thinking that you're not good enough.

A teens first crush is always the worst, because most times they don't realize what's going on at the cliff of turning thirteen. I know, well for me, that my first crush made me hurt, cry, and regret all at once. It's like trying to climb a mountain and then realizing that the top is just too far out of reach.

You don't realize that in middle school you can't have something good happen. You have a fat face and puberty sucks, it's the sad truth. But nothing feels better when at the start of a crush, you think that he's taking time out of his day to talk to you and to pay attention to you. It feels like your heart could explode over the tiniest of things because in innocent eyes it means the most.

Teens keep their loves a secret, locked away just to keep the fairytale alive. I know I did, for as long as possible. I just wanted him to tell me a joke, and to tell me that everything would work out in the end, because ironically I knew it just wouldn't.

Even with young minds and naive hearts, we as people somehow just know when it's meant, when it just feels like a well afternoon spent in a classroom because you're near him or her.

I wish someone could tell you how much it was going to hurt, because one day it did and I never saw it coming in a head on collision.

"I just don't like you that way"

And you'd want to say.

"Then why did you pretend?"

But instead it goes:

"I understand. I really do"

Your first crush and your first heartbreak come together in a whoosh and it lasts a long and silent time. He won't speak to you, and you could never get the courage to speak to him. It was over in your mind but to him it never started.

But then you move on and you leave each other, moving on to bigger and better things. He's living his life while you're running in the same circles. Getting over a crush, the person you thought would be your first love, is one of the hardest things in life.

In the end that heartbreak could inspire you, it could move you to do amazing things. Letting anger out through words, combining definitions of your heartbreak that he would never see.

The thing is we're never in love with the person we see in the hallways, or the person we share a few words with that mean the world to you. No, we're in love with the person we've imagined up in our heads. A person that loves you back and would do anything to protect you.

And that person in your mind inspires you, and one day someone in the real world will show you that your love was fake. And then one day you'll turn those awful memories into beautiful stories that help the people that have fallen subject to their false advertisement of a first crush, love, and heartbreak. And then you'll be okay.