No Reason To Stay Is A Good Reason To Go.

It usually rains in the wake of heartbreak, well at least it does in the movies and numerous books I have read stacked on my shelves. Every time it rains, pours even. His foot is out the door with the thunder, and his voice drifts away and sinks with the rain. I’m confused as to why the sun is shining so brightly, as to why my heartbreak couldn’t have been planned with the rain. It feels as though in this weather I should be rejoicing, should be out in the sun, his hand wrapped so perfectly in mine. Yet, my heart feels as low as the setting sun, and as dull as the sparse clouds surrounding it. I can hope for just one rain drop, for just a sprinkle in the sunshine, something to make the pain feel more real. It feels unfair that everyone else gets lighting while I get a summers breeze. I want to call you back here, tell you to unpack your things and wait for the damned rain, wait for a moment and just think. Don’t leave me alone with the light shining in, don’t leave me with the things you loved so much. Even as we both have no good reason to stay, no concrete argument to try and wait for the rain, we should still try our best to find a reason not to go. At least with the rain I could’ve imagined you angry, cursing at the humidity for ruining your hair. With the sun I can only imagine your freckles skin shining, as a woman with auburn hair kisses you in places that used to be only mine. Some might say I’m even more upset about the lack of rain than the shock of your departure, but that’s not even close to the truth. I just want the rain so I can pretend to be okay, so that I can remember all that I need to forget to stay alive. I want to remember how you used to hold me in a thunderstorm, how your arms were the sound walls of a far-from-crumbling castle. Why do the safest places always destroy us the quickest? But see, you hated the rain even more, how it locked you inside as a prisoner and how it ruined your plans. You hated how I had loved it, how that was when I wanted to walk down the street with you. Movies and romance novels always need the rain, a reminder that he didn’t love it himself, but it reminded him of how much he loved you. A smile will draw onto his face as he watches the rain and he’ll regret ever finding a reason to pack up and run, empty and unkept promises all in his bags. But when the sun is shining, he won’t be able to even remember your smile, the color of your skin in a stormy haze, or your bare body beneath warm blankets. I just need the rain so he can remember, so that he will know that I will love him forever and always within the storm of our relationship.