In My Veins (Her P.O.V)

She looks at picture after picture on her phone, tears hitting the screen every second. She was tagged in these photos hours ago, and ever since, she couldn't lay her phone down. He's with her, a model that she thought she could never measure up to. She's gorgeous and he's rich so it should be the perfect match but in her heart, she knows that it isn't. She's gasping for air, trying not to chock on her own heartbroken sobs. He's willingly hurting her, over and over again. They could never be their old selves again now, they're too gone into the abyss of tragedies. Smiles and afternoons filled with laughter by a lot fireplace fill her mind, making her wonder where she went wrong, how she could've fixed them. They are broken beyond repair, they had been for awhile now. Jealousy and fighting mixed with their distance didn't help their situation.

On the brink of 19, starting college, a whole new life, she met him and that's when it all came into view. He was kind and sweet, just making her life complete in every way possible.

Her body had been sexually violated, leaving her scared to even show the slightest sign of affection. He picked her up off the ground, he showed her that love could be beautiful again.

Now she regrets, all she can do is regret everything that they've been through. All the nights spent saying, "I love you," mean nothing now.

Every part of her being ignited, sparks even went haywire when he was around. Now she feels cold, cold like the top of an empty mountain, desolate and bare. He used to make her feel alive, as if nothing else in the world could ever make her days bright.

Now she's wondering what he's doing on that spacious yacht, surrounded by tens of people that he loves, while she's in a lonely bed of tears. His smile is the brightest thing she can see in the photos and for a second it brings her back, it makes her remember who he was when she was his and he was hers.

They weren't those fake couples that were put together for publicity, no they were real, maybe even the only real thing she's ever known. Her life has always been composed of lies and secrets, but he didn't keep anything, well that was until now.

Now she's on top of him and he's kissing her, but most importantly he's smiling. They're smiling and holding each other while she's just looking for an anchor to pull her up from drowning.

Their first date was on a chilly night, a simple walk around the park that wasn't much but meant the whole entire world to them. Warm hands engulfed within each other's, while their bodies were kept closely for comfort.

Her mind wanders to the past just observing every moment they ever spent together, and seeing where she could've gone wrong. Because she loved him. Wasn't that enough for him?

No amount of money could repair them, no amount of love could bring them back to the start of what they had.

She would remember them rolling around in the sheets, emotionally and physically naked, wrapped in the warmth of each other. It was bliss in her mind. It was all she'd ever need in this life, just her and the man she loved.

Now that love seems so far away, so distant and tragic. It seems like a catastrophe in her mind, like a waste of love.

Her eyes land on a picture, they keep getting online one after another, taunting her. She wants to look away but it's impossible because she also wants to see who makes him happy now.

They're swimming and laughing and she's crying, asking herself if it's her damned fault. But it wasn't hers and it wasn't his, it wasn't their fault.

Now she'll have to live all these days without him, without his smile and his voice lulling her to sleep. It's a sad image scattered in her mind, but it's a truth that she's now living through.

Her eyes beg to fall shut, not wanting to be awake for anymore of this heartbreak. It's almost as if she came see him having fun and smiling beneath her eyelids.

They're swaying on a beautiful sea, laughing and drinking their worries away. She'd try drinking but it never provided an escape for her broken heart.

And this new girl, she's beautiful, almost even looks like a model. Hell, she could rock his world, while she could just lie there and try to forget.

But here's the ironic thing, she didn't want to forget the sound of his voice in the early morning. She didn't want to forget his creative style, his eyes looking into hers. She didn't want to forget the thrill, because it was sometimes the only thing keeping her alive.

No more good nights and good mornings with one another. Now they'll have to wake and fall asleep in separate beds without each other's arms. She didn't even want to think about how he'd fall asleep tonight. Probably with that model.

"Please forget. Please forget him" she would say in her dreams. She would try to forget his touch with the idea of letting another man in his place.

She'd have to let go for a lifetime and maybe that's just want the universe wanted. You're just not meant to be sometimes.

She'd smile through life, pretending it didn't affect her until it really didn't. One day she'll let go, one day she'll find love again. One day she'll forget all traces of him, all of his love that has tragically marked her.

And on that day she'll be thankful that he doesn't haunt her days and appear at night during her sleep. She'll forget his protective instincts, she'll forget his hair between her fingers, she'll forget the sheets wrapped around their bodies.

And on that day all traces of him will disappear from her mind, leaving her able to live the rest of her lifetime.