"It Will Get Easier, But Not Today."

“We finally fall apart and we break each other’s hearts.

If we wanna live young, love we better start today.

It’s gotta get easier oh easier somehow.

Cause I’m falling, I’m falling,

Oh easier and easier somehow.

Oh I’m calling, I’m calling.

And it isn’t over unless it is over, I don’t wanna wait for that.

It’s gotta get easier and easier somehow, but not today.

Not today.”

“I remember the day he saw me, in all of my clumsy, overly stumbly glory. His amber eyes were all dark and dreary, and his smile was the brightest thing in the whole entire city. I was expecting him to scream bloody murder at me, the sight of the spilled coffee all over his suit shirt was enough to practically have me screaming. But then you asked me if I had been okay, your voice warm and soft.” She smiles recalling the day she had met the love of her life, the only man that ever showed her what living had really been. “You led me through your life, full of glamorous parties and vacations in wonderful exotic places. You respected my wishes and you wanted a family, you wanted forever. I never could’ve imagined that you and I could’ve made it as far as we did. But then we did. That morning I went and I bought you another coffee, and you made me promise not to spill another ounce on you the next time. I was confused, and had questions about what you had even been talking about. He wanted to see me again, not some skimpy blonde with a trust fund, but me a girl with frizzy hair and a sarcastic attitude. At the time I had just assumed you felt bad for me and my broken heel, but no you looked at me and actually saw something worth visiting again. You gave me a napkin with your number scribbled on it and I suspected that you had been still doing this out of pity. But then you called, you actually called me. The date was wonderful, and I can recall how you laughed at exactly every one of my jokes even the awfully stupid ones. You made me feel smart and funny and desirable and everything that you had ever been searching for in the twenty-five years of life you had been living. We moved in together after a while, an apartment with charm and a brick wall in the kitchen. It was our home on paper, but in reality you were my home. Now it just feels as if I have nowhere to go without you. Everyone around you always felt happy, had a smile on their face because you had the power to make people feel that way. Your toasts at weddings and events were always lengthy and meaningful. You always knew what to say. When you proposed you told me you could never spend the rest of you life with anyone else, it had just been me. You made the biggest event out of it all and you didn’t even intend to. That was just the man he had been. You were dedicated. And maybe that’s why you’re gone now, but I refuse to believe that, any part of it. You went into work that morning, a morning like any other, but this time you just didn’t come home. I called everyone and I worried until my neck and chest were red from scratching and stressing. It wasn’t until my cell ringed and my heart dropped. I fell to the floor, my knees bruised for the next few days. The apartment was filled with screams that even scared me. I couldn’t shake the idea, the thought that someone had taken you from me. People tell you that it gets easier, that’s always what they say. They say it as if you didn’t just lose someone that changed your whole entire life. People say it as if they didn’t lose a son, brother, best friend, and eternal companion. The worst and best part of it all is that I know it will get easier and I know that you’re still here with me, but I also know that it won’t feel okay. Not today, not for anyone that knew you. I hope you know how I loved you and how I plan to keep your legacy alive because that’s the only way I’d want to live out the rest of my life. Thank you for changing my life, the way I look at things has changed forever. This world has given me the best gift ever and it was you. Thank you for believing in me, I can’t wait until we meet again. I love you, all of you, forever and always.”