Snow Globes

manipulative relationship are abuse.

you may not notice until it's over.

until the sand finally settles and you can see more than 5 feet in front of you for once.

when you realize you've been in a snow globe enjoying the views of a world that's not really in front of you.

this is about breaking out my snow globe.

the first time my ex boyfriend said he loved me, i cried.

i thought that they were tears of joy,

of happiness,

but i do not think that anymore.

as the words rolled off his tongue they wrapped around me like cold metal chains making me his property

...but still,

i said it back

and that statement locked the chains around me,

constructing me from breathing,

moving,

it removed the little bit of freedom

i had endowed to me.

i was blinded by the charade of your acts making life feel like this is how it should be.

we should only be together,

we do not have friends unless their mutual

we don't go out unless we're together

..that is not love

that is suffocation,

that is holding your head under the water until your lungs fill with water,

that is torture,

that is death,

that is what dating you was like.

a slow death

with a euphoric veil

to make the fact

you're being murdered

not so bad.

"i love you" turned into a plea,

begging me not to leave

all the times i knew i should've.

"i can't live without you" became a suicide pact,

it was too literal,

forcing me to stay.

"if you leave i don't know what i'll do" became blood on my hands

dripping from the knife i'd unknowingly stabbed into you.

"forever." seemed like a life sentence

and we were foolish enough to smile and think that was love.

you took my individuality away and wore it like a coat.

i thought you were my other half but you really forced yourself inside me.

i cut you out of me

i had to try and take back all the pieces of myself that i could

yet when i see you, i see myself.

not because i still love you but because the best parts of me we're stolen by you.

i can't take myself back

i made you.

into myself.

i'll always regret that.

but i'm someone new

no, i mean someone better.

and all you will ever be is the washed up last version of me.

i heard you were lost.

that's probably because i found myself.

i'm starting to realize love is not restrictive

love isn't give and take

love isn't "you're happiness is only good if I caused it"

love is not conditional

i still don't think i have this love thing down yet,

but i think i'm getting there.