Jada Bonner

Unlovable

I wasn’t supposed to be here.

 

Many times, I’ve given in.

My faith lived in a splint— crippled by my imagination

 

I wasn’t supposed to be able to love you like this.

 

My flaws are a deterrent to good things

I feel too much and I’m a sensitive being.

Everything life seems to throw at me, I lose to the grip of my ego.

I still hear echoes of the shame.

 

I wasn’t supposed to be loved like this.

 

My smile shines so bright because it’s been hidden so long.

I’ve sat in the darkness polishing it for my daydreams;

I wasn’t anticipating fruition.

 

Cause I wasn’t supposed to be here.

 

I’m not sure what’s protected me so long,

But I’m fearful my luck is running out;

Your eyes seem to be a remedy.

 

When I look into them,

I remember I wasn’t supposed to be able to love you like this.

 

Simply because nobody taught me.

The flesh is to be manipulated for survival and satisfaction.

But I found a home elsewhere

 

It’s been a long journey because I always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be loved like this.

 

The blueprint of my life was in someone else’s hands.

It feels good to have 100% stake now.

Reaping the rewards of my efforts,

With the choice to be selfless— or selfish.

And save me for myself.

Sharing this piece of me should illustrate my gratitude.

Every day I receive your love,

I remember that I wasn’t suppose to be here to be loved like this

And my flaws make me incapable of loving.