23the burger van

23

Manchester academy &

the burger van

1994

Album. :-Definitely maybe

Song :-married with children Band: -Oasis.

Back in nineteen ninety four we were in the grip of Brit pop, Well to start with what a fucking great era! I’d say my best era of all time, for a lot of the music anyway,

now I could say the swinging sixties were just as good if not better,

And it was for the masses of a certain age, and although I was alive in them good old sixties most of my memories were of shitting and pissing myself and drinking milk from my mummy’s breast ,

so I think I’ll let the sixties go,

so back to the nineties ,

it all started for me with the stone roses that was the back end of the nineteen nineties,

but I'd like to focus on ninety four,

my dress sense had changed somewhat from the heady days of that good old punk era,

I was now sporting baggy jeans, flowery psychedelic shirts, the customary Adidas trainers and a beanie hat to cover my lovely flowing blonde locks,

Yes my friends I had hair once, And it was the dogs bollocks,

I could do anything with it, comb it forward brush it back , side part, centre part ,

Do an Elvis cut using brill cream ,

Yeah i used so many products, and even put highlights in,

dye it black blue, or red or just shave it, hair, it’s an amazing thing, But alas it has all gone now,

forgotten in the mists of the past, buried but not forgotten, bye bye blondie.

Sorry I drifted into hair memories then, maybe I’ll save it for another time,

So It was around the end of May as i recall, I was visiting my older brother on the Isle of Man,

I always popped over at TT, or it could have been the Manx Grand Prix, that’s my best guess for the date, but it was there that it all began for me,

The Sunday morning started as any other ,( I should tell you our Dwayne and his partner had a guest house on the esplanade, ) so it was a busy morning, full of life with bikers everywhere, the dining room full of hairy arsed men eager to shovel down their breakfast and get out on the open road, the smell of a cooked breakfast was wafting up to my room, and I knew right there and then that it was time the day started,

I left my room on the top floor and followed the smells coming out of the kitchen.

I ate a hearty breakfast

cooked by the wonderful Sharon,

(who once should of saved me from falling through a wall

but didn’t bother she just watched, and pissed Herself laughing! thanks Sharon,)

You see I built this wall with my own two hands, it was in a flat where I was living at the time, and the said wall was not made of the best of materials, in fact it was just a big board of plywood screwed to a baton on the ceiling to separate the kitchen diner, suffice to say when I lent on it Chinese in hand, I ended up on my back,

legs and arms flapping in the wind, covered in chicken chow main with a woman standing over me crying like I’ve never seen anyone cry,

crying with tears of laughter, The bitch!

it’s ok though, she held out the obligatory hand to offer help.

Sharon it didn’t fucking help!

Anyway,

with a full belly and time on my hands I put on my ruck sack and went for a five mile hike into the hills of the Isle of Man, really?

like fuck I did, I went down to the pub, Now, being a Sunday in the early nineties the pubs closed at 2pm, so afterwards I picked up a few tinnies and back to our kids, I sat with Dwayne in their private quarters, or as he puts it,

the back room,

and that’s when it happened, that’s when the magic started, The changing of the guard, We sat having a few beers, and he put on a record, an LP, music on a disc if you will, now prior to this , as I was a smoker then, he offered me a smoke,

such a big cigarette I thought when he handed it to me, And I was just as miffed when he wanted it back from me ? Tight arse I thought,

but I passed it back to him , only for him to pass it back to me a few seconds later, Now what the fuck is going on here I thought, but said nothing, this went on for ten minutes, like pass the fucking parcel,

Do you not have any B&H then Dwayne,

again I thought this but said nothing,

now by the time I had finished my ciggie, well, our ciggie, and a couple of beers, I was moulding into the fucking settee like a play dough man,

so comfy so chilled and so so fucking hungry,

The music started, and my ears prick up straight away, the sound that was being thrown from the speakers absolutely blew my mind,

It spoke to me, it said to live forever, be supersonic, have cigarettes and alchahol , (no problem on that one) be a rock n roll star , get married with children, (check, done that one) oh and divorced, amazing, fucking amazing, my head was like a shaker maker, But the song that I actually found caught my ear first, was married with children , and that was it , I was hooked, Oasis had a new meaning now,

not just an area in the desert, or something you stick crap plastic flowers in,

it was music, a band , a future.

We can now jump forward to December,

and let’s get to the heart of this monologue,

it was a cold and winters Friday night and myself and Nigel, a mate who I shared a house with took off on a train from warrington to Manchester, just a short 25 min journey to find our oasis,

Well we found our oasis in a burger van,

now you may ask why would oasis be in a burger van ? ,

well in a way they certainly were for Nige and me,

you see we turned up at Manchester Academy for the end of tour gig of oasis 94, without any tickets, ( just a smile and bit of charm) and as it was sold out, you could say we took a chance,

Well that chance was a pretty fucking poor idea, as we could not get a ticket anywhere,

so we took solace in a burger, at a van just a short walk away from the entrance of the academy,

“Two burgers please mate,” I asked with a face like a slapped arse,” “do ya want ketchup and an oasis ticket with that pal, oh and free passes into the after party, “came the reply? you have got to be fucking joking was all I could think to say And

Nigel at this point was on the floor collapsed and flapping about like a fish out of water, wriggling foaming at the mouth trying to breath, At that moment I thought I may only need to shell out fo one burger ketchup and ticket, but he was soon on his feet, bouncing all over fucking Manchester like tigger, and grinning from ear to ear doing a stupid fucking jig,

suffice to say the burgers were twenty five quid, bargain!and we’re on our way, as we made our way through the main doors you could sense history being made, there were so many fucking clones of the Gallaghers you wouldn’t believe, and I include myself in that, the atmosphere was surprisingly chilled, and I would put that down to the amount of pills that had been dropped prior to kick off,

Now the gig was as good as the clash,

the music was electrifying, Noel did what would become his mandatory acoustic set on his own,

himself a guitar and a chair,

Sweat smoke and beer filled the air, arms and legs swaying to every note,

Jut like heaven, fucking heaven, and we still had the after party to come.

The after party started with a drinkypoos on entry, and then the mingling began, I sauntered over to the DJ booth to ask for some tunes to be played, but I was faced with this guy that I reconized from a couple of hours earlier, a Liam Gallagher lookalike And I said just that “eh mate anyone told you your the spitting image Of fucking Liam” “fuck off an go chew ya face some where else ya knob Ed”came the pleasant reply,

Well I stood tall cool as a cucumber and requested the birdy song only joking, I just dribbled, with my mouth open wide, I nodded, I said fair enough Liam, any chance of an autograph? No? Ok! I then fucked off.

End of a music sensation