Narcissist or Nirvana

The desert blankness long and wide, an endless horizon of dust, is the canvas upon which painted my existence. The thin line between earth and sky, where faith determines where your eternal existence will be. I did not seek salvation in the heavens or the scriptures of the past. I knelt in the gritty sand, my eyes closed, and whispered my prayers—not to an unseen deity but to Spider-Man, a figure birthed from ink and imagination.

Rabbi Shias Taub once said, "Fantasy is an idea we cling to in order to escape reality. Faith is the idea we cling to in order to have the courage to face it." My supplications were not a flight from reality but a quest for the strength to confront it. In the space that fills the gap of belief and skepticism, I pondered: Is religion the only way to find faith?

Spiritualism, a religion as binding as any doctrine, embodies devotion to the unseen. My prayers to Spider-Man, a savior in crimson and cobalt, mirrored invocations to prophets. Was this faith or fantasy? If I sought not escape but resilience to endure, was Spider-Man a deity in his own right, a modern savior with webs for hands?

Peter Parker became a sacrificial figure, rising to save humanity. His narrative, with its symbolism of crucifixion and resurrection, parallels the story of Jesus Christ. How deep must the roots of faith penetrate to distinguish themselves from flights of fantasy? We invest our faith in gods, confessing our sins, bowing in unworthiness, worshipping the unseen. But I have come to realize that I am more than just a vessel; I am the god of my own existence.

In the dawn of time, man succumbed to temptation, and God, in His inscrutable wisdom, sent His only Son to suffer and die—a brutal testament of His love to grant us entry to heaven. The alternative, an eternity in a lake of fire, seems a harsh verdict for the flaws of His own creations. Why not forge us incorruptible from the start? Why place forbidden fruit within reach, only to condemn us for our inevitable failure? It’s bad management in my eyes. The narrative is riddled with paradoxes, elusive to reason. Did Jesus’s torture become necessary for our redemption? What fate befell those who perished before Christ's resurrection? Were they condemned to hell, victims of temporal misfortune? Adam and Eve, in their ignorant innocence, were punished for a sin they could scarcely comprehend. There were no commandments, no codified sins—just the bewildering punishment of a mysterious God.

To dismiss religion or spiritualism entirely is to overlook the profound truths they contain. Our understanding of creation, of existence, is limited, bound by our mortal perspectives. Faith, as profound as it is profitable, exacts a toll on the soul. I have no faith in man; even God, according to scripture, questioned His creation, necessitating the ultimate sacrifice. Especially “men of Christ” often tend to be deviants and perverts.

This universe is no mere accident. The complexity, the existence, speaks of design, of purpose and reason. I have witnessed miracles, felt the presence of a higher power within me. Through this, I have found faith in myself, a belief that I am my own deity. The Bible hints at the Holy Spirit residing within us, a divine spark that grants us strength. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," it proclaims. But substitute Christ with oneself, and the verse unveils a new meaning. By trusting in ourselves, we gain strength. God created man in His image, and who is more you than yourself? No one should have more faith in you than you.

In this life I’ve been so arrogantly thoughtless with, it is the faith within myself that illuminates my path. I seek not to escape but to endure, to find the strength within myself. I knew that the strength I sought was not in the webs of Spider-Man but within myself. Faith, whether in gods, heroes, or oneself, is the courage to face the harsh realities of life. It is the resilience to endure, to overcome, and to find meaning in the struggle.

The question lingered: Is faith in oneself any less sacred than faith in a deity? Perhaps the true essence of faith lies not in the object of belief but in the act of believing itself. To have faith is to acknowledge the unknown, to embrace the uncertainty of existence with a resolute heart.

I reflected on the teachings of the past, the stories of prophets and saviors. I considered the sacrifices, the parables, the commandments that sought to guide humanity. Yet, I also saw the flaws, the contradictions, the human fingerprints upon divine narratives. Why must salvation be groomed from suffering? Why should love demand such a cruel price?

Faith is not a rigid structure but a fluid, evolving understanding. It is the courage to face each day, the resilience to withstand life's tempests. Whether it is Spider-Man, Christ, or the strength within, faith is a personal journey, a quest for meaning in a world that often seems aloof of it.

The words of another thinker, Friedrich Nietzsche, who declared, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how," resonated with me. My why was the desire to transcend my circumstances, to find strength in the face of adversity. My how was the faith I placed in myself, which ultimately led me to discover my own inner fortitude.

As I rose from my knees, I felt a renewed sense of purpose, a quiet confidence that I could overcome the trials ahead. My prayers to Spider-Man had not been in vain; they had guided me to a deeper understanding of myself.

Walking towards the rising sun, I carried with me the lessons of faith, the knowledge that belief in oneself was as Walking towards the rising sun, I carried with me the lessons of faith, the knowledge that belief in oneself was as powerful as any divine intervention. In the vast universe, I realized that I was not alone. I was part of a greater story.

I felt the weight of my own divinity. I am my own god, a creator of my destiny, a bearer of my faith. The world around me, with its unfolding beauty, is my domain. In my heart, the words of the Bible took on new meaning: "God created man in His image." I was that image, and within me lay the power to shape my reality.

Enthralled by the intricate design of existence, the delicate balance of anarchy and order, I saw that the universe, with all its complexity, is a reflection of the inner constellations within all of us. We are all a part of this grand design, a thread in the infinite fabric of life. My faith, no longer confined to the pages of scripture or the altars of religion, became a living, breathing force within me.