Faith Struggle

When I say I struggle with my faith what I mean is that God has painted the picture so clear and has made the way so simple yet I just can't stop running out of the room every time I talk to Him.

I find a similarity between when I was just starting school in the first grade and I fought kicked and screamed and even ran out of the classroom because I did not want to be there. I don't remember how long it was before I finally accepted that i had to be there.

Reflecting on that, I see that I have a rebellious spirit, a nonconforming spirit, a wild and passionate spirit. There was fear and it was suffering for my soul because it was subdued. I fell in line. But always my longing, my destiny awaited me in the dark and dangerous world. I was to fall and stumble and lose and suffer and grow weary.

But I was too to find hope in God. I was supposed to see my weaknesses prevalent in my own life to witness the light change the bad, the sins and grief into something pure, something strong, something greater than I would have ever thought possible. If this is where my journey of strength and victory is destined to begin and the evidence of this has been in revelation and profound wisdom and grown a heart as my Father's, then the journey must begin. The weapons must continue to be sharpened and drawn. Not for bloodshed but for other souls to flourish.