Tortured Souls

They are tortured souls, most all of them. They stand in a round corral and through patience and understanding, yes even love and compassion, they bring out the best in the beast of burden running in a circle around them. They stand before a canvas or thick, textured paper with brush in hand or stand before a lump of clay, and after a time, even if it takes months or years, they are able to produce beauty to the eyes of the beholder. They stand before multitudes and play out the part of a fictitious character or sometimes a character from history, and bring the crowds to their feet with raucous applause. They sometimes stand before a crowd and open up The Word of God in a way the crowd has never heard before, bringing them to their knees in reverence or even brokenness before The Almighty. They write songs and sing like angels. They write books that sell millions of copies and stand for years on the best seller lists of the "powers that be" in the literary world. The words to their songs and stories, if one reads between the lines will oft times tell the truth of their deepest secrets. On the outside, they seem to have it all together. They seem to have all the answers to the questions of those who follow them in cult-like manner. They are sought after by the masses, sometimes at great expense to the seekers, who are, no doubt, willing to pay what seems to some as an exorbitant fee and more to see, hear, and otherwise experience their talent. But even though they are seemingly well-adjusted and "all together", they are not. On the inside, they are haunted by a past that sometimes, only they know completely. Some have been battered and abused, both physically and emotionally, even by those who say they love them. They have suffered great loss and have never completely mourned the loss or completed the mourning process. They have sought love and even found it for a season, only to find that the love was one-sided and their hearts, in turn, become broken once again. Those who are closest to them never seem to completely "get inside" of the circle of boundary they have unknowingly built for themselves. If one is ever let inside this invisible fortress it is because the tortured soul loves them beyond his or her ability to stop themselves from falling deeply in love and holding them close. For once, it seems they have found someone who is so deeply in love with them that their faults and moodiness are overlooked in compassion and, yes, even a little pity. That person will probably stand by the tortured soul through thick and thin, even at an emotional expense to themselves.

Even so, in the midst of all the hurt and pain they hide, they find a little happiness, though it may be fleeting. When the horseman feels that moment of softness in the horse that allows him to move in poetic motion in the way the trainer is directing him without a word, that would not be understood anyway, there is a fleeting moment of satisfaction that comes. When the painting or sculpture is finished, the final piece is looked upon in awe by passers by and spectators in galleries and art shops. The artist stands silently by in anonymity and smiles like the Cheshire Cat. Though they are seen by the multitudes on the silver screen, they live like a recluse, hidden in an obscure location among everyday citizens that either do not know them as celebrities or act as if they do not out of some kindness and sympathy for them in light of the trouble that fame can bring. The stage actors among them leave as quickly as the last curtain falls out a side or back door where a hired person is waiting to drive them swiftly away before anyone knows they are gone. Those who speak The Word of God before large throngs of followers may do the same or they might be able to put up a front of false confidence and sometimes even arrogance, but they are just as reclusive in their souls as those who hide like terrified kittens, never really letting anyone see beneath their armor. Not the "armor of God" mind you, but the armor of the tortured soul who doesn't want anyone to know he is tortured, even if it means he has to hide his very soul from anyone's view. The ones that write and perform music bring out emotions in the listener that cannot be explained. Those moments have to be experienced for one's self. The deep feelings and emotions expressed in the notes and words of their songs are a dim reflection of the feelings and emotions trapped in their own hearts and minds and yet they are only trapped because were it not for the songs being performed, sometimes by others than even themselves, they would stay hidden from anyone but the tortured souls themselves who would never, ever reveal them to anyone else and by denial even keep them from themselves. Their bestselling books move the masses into a buying frenzy of purchasing notebooks, mouse pads, coffee mugs, and every other kind of marketable trinket devised by the publishers and marketing gurus to cash in on the current trend fueled by the author's fleeting popularity. To the ones that truly love them, not for what can be gained for one's self from the relationship, but for the real and intrinsic value of the person himself or herself, deeply grieve at times for them and hurt as they hurt, maybe even more than the tortured souls themselves, because most times the tortured souls have bottled up inside themselves that which pains them until they are in complete denial of their pain. Sometimes years of abuse are blocked out, never to be recovered for the telling or healing. They sometimes retreat into the bottle or drugs to hide or varnish over their pain which brings about another set of problems and pain that, then again, has to be hidden.

It is easy to understand, at least to some extent, why many tortured souls never truly amount to much in the world. They are held so deeply captive to the pain, whether real or perceived, that they retreat into a prison of obscurity. Only after they are long dead and gone are their amazing gifts and talents discovered and cherished by the masses, only to ask, "Why have we never heard of this person? How could they have lived among us so gifted and us not know? It's such a shame they only became famous after they were dead." And on and on the story goes. The gifted and talented and brilliant are among us. They live in the shadows of our overbearing and fast-paced society and hide from too much attention, most times content with being hidden. Even if they are not content in their obscurity, it frightens them less than notoriety so that is where they reside. With all that we know and have said about the tortured souls, we can be thankful for each of them. They bring us beauty, wisdom, solitude, love, passion, compassion, kindness, patience, and yes, joy in our lives and because they bring us these things, we should be forever grateful to them for their contribution to the world for you see, in many ways, these things given so reluctantly from the tortured souls keep us from becoming tortured souls ourselves. That may just have to be enough.