Dad...I Miss You, I Love You

Tears stain the inner depths of my spirit...a misery so quiet, only I can hear it.

It's getting easier, I could say, but that's not entirely true.

Sometimes, I think I'll never go on, or that I'll leave those I love too soon.

I miss you, you're gone. And my whole soul is out of tune.

The days get longer, then shorter when I can't take them, hearing about you does make me stronger, but my heart still plays a daily requiem.

Time has changed who I am, but I feel like I still have some of your qualities.

It's difficult to be...here without you. For just a chance to get to know you, would've meant the world to me.

All I can do is listen about you, where you live in my mother's memory.

She speaks of you often, and that comforts me, makes it better on those days that I can't seem to make it through...when I'm feeling sad and blue...when the pain seeps slowly, going through my every vein, not missing a spot, when there's not a ray of sun around me...nothing but cloud after dark cloud, hovering over my head with thunder so loud.

The thunder is the anger of not knowing you for myself, I feel like it represents.

A streak of lightning even begins to make a deafening sound.

And it's that noise that's acceptance that you're not here anymore.

I can wish it as much as I want, but you're never going to walk through that door.

More tears fall, so I can finally find peace deep inside.

All of this I hide, so no one can see, just how much I'm in agony.

Once more, I'll say it now, and a dozen times, plus infinite times later: I am missing you bad. Just wanted to let you know: I love you, Dad.

R.I.P.