Kintsukuroi

People see self injury as a plea for attention. Sure, that explains why I exhausted all efforts hiding it. That's not what it's about. It's about staying alive regardless of how sick and twisted it appears to be. My scars remind me of how inhuman I can become. How numb my body can become over time if I let it. What a monster I truly am. How if the world decided to burn vehemently against my sins, I would peel and crack oozing my soul like lava with a grimace. It's a place I never want to be. Standing in the apocalypse of myself. I will admit that being at the edge of existence is beautiful but not jumping is about the strongest thing one can do. I am reminded in all my years that we all struggle daily. I am not alone as I appear to be. We all have mechanisms of survival. Totems to remind us why we are here and why we are not. Some choose to bury in work, to lay burdens on others in relationships, many focus on the dollar and others compose songs, a few write stories and many more become drunk and just forget. We all have our vices to carry on by any means necessary. Mines makes me feel when all has gone cold and numb to the point I cannot decipher my own heartbeat. There is reason for everything. Sure you may choose to look down on me in judgment but I am still here and I am alive. That's something I am strengthened by. I have overcome myself.