The Noise

The cold black night suffocates the day, a velvet curtain smothering the light. I walk alone, the rhythmic hum of the distant interstate cries from afar. In the absence of light, it is sound that guides us. The closer I draw near, the further the discord fades away. My pace quickens; I feel a ferocious chase, my chest heaving, short of breath—then silence.

I find myself stranded on the asphalt, an empty interstate, with no signs of life. Then, off in the misted glow of a streetlamp, stands a figure—my shadow, carved from a nightmare. Perhaps he holds the secrets of this vanished world. As I approach, he speaks, not out loud but within my thoughts. He turns, a reflection of my own face. His hand, not made of flesh but a lit cigarette, its ember a consuming fire. I inhale, watching as he burns up instantly; then I exhale, smoke spiraling him into form once more.

"You're not from here," he murmurs, "but with me, you'll be free."

"Why am I here?" I ask the smoky figure wearing my face.

Before he fades into the passing clouds, he casts his blame. "It's all your fault."

I drop to my knees beneath the neon moonlight, its glow a cold breath against my neck. Alone, and suddenly unburdened by the need to search any longer. The sound returns in a crescendo, wind whipping against me, my skin seared by the invisible. I look up to a sun blazing mercilessly across a barren land; the world has shifted into a passing desert.

I am in the back of a black convertible, racing through the sand, a massive black horse trotting beside me, a diamond blaze on its brow. I look forward to see who is operating this machine—just an empty seat. The speedometer climbs; the stallion keeps pace, effortless and wild, his eyes glowing red orbs. He grins with a knowing wink as the car slams its brakes, and I am catapulted into a wormhole, a long kaleidoscope of color and light.

The wormhole transforms into a tunnel of pink clouds, warmth cradling me. Within the swirling mists, I can see my life from above, from birth to this very moment. I see now that solitude was always in destiny's gentle hand, finding peace was inevitable.

Just as I believed to have figured it out, darkness cascades around me, and I find myself once again on that cold, black street. The interstate once again hums its mournful tune in the distance, a lullaby that sings to the night. But now, I'm aware, conscious of each step, each breath. I turn away from the noise, and there he is—the man with my face.

In the stillness, his voice creeps into my mind, raspy and familiar. "You're going to keep playing the same game; you're going to keep getting the same shame, my friend."

I try to speak, but silence holds my mouth. I hear my own thoughts, clear as day. "I don't want to play this game. I want to go home to my family. Why am I here?"

"You're here because you want to be here," he answers, his voice a copy of mine, yet stronger, filled with conviction. "There is something you're after; you're bouncing on the thin line between consciousness and awakening. The line is thin but elastic. You are conscious, but not awake. If you want to wake up, then you have to love me. Let go of your pride, your fear, calm yourself, and love me."

Confusion and fear tighten around me, and he reaches for me, grasping for my face. He pulls me in, his arms a mirror of my own. Our eyes lock, and I see the depths of my soul reflected in his gaze. He leans in and kisses me with an intensity that surges electricity through my body.

As I open my eyes, I find myself in the back of a white convertible driving through the same desert. However, now I don’t feel the burn; the wind is calm, cruising at a low speed, and the sun feels invigorating on my skin. I see the same horse from before, only now he’s galloping gracefully next to me, his black coat glistening in the light. I look to the front seat, and my father is sitting there, staring at me. He looks just as I remember him from when I was a small child, his eyes shimmering like crystal. I reach for him, but my arms won’t move. He smiles and winks.

Suddenly, I am thrust back into the warm embrace of pink clouds, floating above my life. I watch it all unfold, from birth to this very moment. But now, there is peace—a profound stillness that settles within my life. I realize that what I was looking for was always there, away from the noise. It was nestled within the conscious of oneself, waiting to be loved.