Take it From The Girl You Claim To Love...

I can't listen to our song because it isn't the same. I still remember the day I first saw you. And how you said that dancing was made to fall into someone's arms. Oh so cool you seemed. Wearing all your thoughts because everything was just a game, always calculating, anticipating. We should've known it was a bad idea to love me, love you. I just wanted to be yours in anyway you wanted me. I forgave you for staying, you forgave me for leaving. That door never closed. I know you hurt, I only messed you up. I could never love right again. I should have learned to let you stay. I'm thinking it over the way you'd make me feel, but it causes me shame. I waited that night, I flew out, it wasn't the same. I told you solitude got me like a glove, you said we can change that. Who would've known you would hurt so much to touch. A neat bourbon, and all those secrets became my home. You said to never speak about us, as we where just for us. You said to never speak about us as they all knew our love. I was hung on everything that you had ever said. You where not deserving, of all that grace. Oh how I separated myself, and gave you my mind, you turned me away from my low points... you should've known, we came from the same place, same poison. You remember how you would rush to me every time I would open my eyes in a new hospital bed. You followed me up to the water, but you never let me drown. You thought me everything I know, said it was all the same, all the mistakes. We played the game far to well. Always said to find other loves to only scratch the surface. You where my only vice. Before I ever met you I never knew I could become enemies with my own heart. I believed in you, believed in me, but our love was desperate, we where never guaranteed. "Baby be patient for me, please tell me that this will be easy, I'm tired of waiting, my heart is yours. I promise one day I'll come back to you" the last words that would ever mean something. Black town car, Black lace dress, red stilettos all that poise. I promised I would never talk. One Red rose, a bottle of bourbon, and the remaining of my heart on my sleeve. "Heaven will be once I make it to your side" read the stone, just like your arm and the dream catcher we both shared... No one understood the emptiness you left. My mind to follow, my body beating I returned to that life you built for me. 2 years... 730 days...17,520 hours...1,051,200 minutes from the day you took me with you. London hotel where I waited for you, your cuffs still on that black lace dress, time just made it colder. I promise I tried my best, but I still miss you.

-JossyFlowers 🌹

(November 26,2012- A letter never sent)