Do Something, Do Anything

It was three A.M. I didn’t want to be awake. I tried to count sheep and when that didn’t work I tried to pray, but every time I closed my eyes I could hear the preacher.

“Surrender your life to the will of God,” he had said. “There is no safer place than the center of God’s will.”

I had been to a missions conference that day and heard about the work being done all over the world and the need for more people to join the cause. I was young and still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Did I have a calling? What were my I gifts and how should I use them?

I lay in bed that night worrying that if I didn’t surrender to God’s will for my life I would be miserable. But what if He wanted me to do something I didn't like?

• God’s Will

Christians use "God's will" (think, His plan for your life) to either insulate their life choices from criticism, or make their life choices feel more important. Saying, "It's God's will" means I can't question it and it gives you a reason to feel like you are doing something important. Besides that, if there really was something I was created to do I want to do that.

I came of age going to church, so that's what I know, but I have a feeling that this isn't just a church problem. People want to what their purpose for existing on this planet is. They takes aptitude tests to find out what they are good at in hopes it will lead to a career they will love. I took an aptitude test once and eagerly waited to get the results back because this was going tell me what career to pursue. According to that test I should either be a salesman or join the clergy. I knew myself well enough to know that I would be a mediocre salesman at best and I wouldn't find any joy in it. I thought maybe I could handle being a clergyman but I had my doubts. Since the test was wrong about my sales skills, maybe it was wrong about my religious interests. I decided that aptitude tests were a waste of time. I've since come to realize that although Christianity is an important part of my life I'm not called to "the ministry," and I'm okay with that.

Looking back I realize I experienced a lot of unnecessary anxiety over the question of what to do with my life. I wanted to be an artist but at church I heard godly sounding men encourage us young people to surrender to God’s call to "missions" or "ministry". Art didn't sound very noble or spiritual compared to being a missionary. I think those preacher meant well. There are a lot of needy to people in the world and they were hoping to motivate us to do our part to meet those needs, but to me it sounded like it didn't matter that I was good at art, if God wanted me to be a missionary, that's what I must be.

By my junior year in college I had had all I could stand of this fretting over God’s will, so I switched my major. I reasoned that if I was going to be a “good Christian” I had to be willing to do what God wanted me to do, regardless of what I wanted to do or had a talent for. So after an evening of prayer and anxious searching in the Scriptures, I decided that the next morning I would switch my major to Youth Ministry. Art seemed too selfish to be part of God’s will for me.

• But was all that worry even necessary?

Would I really be miserable as an artist, instead of a missionary or youth pastor? As I turned out, I'm not a youth pastor, missionary, or an artist. I work at a wastewater processing plant. It's not the kind of work one feels called to but it pays the bills for now.

• Do I have a calling?

I don't want to live at the level of just paying the bills. I still want to do my part to make a difference in the the world, shine a positive light and spread joy. That's why I started blogging. Have I found my calling? I don't know. Maybe. Here's what I know, I'm being myself and doing something I love and as a result I'm experiencing more joy. But I don't think it's tied directly to writing. Is seems to be sourced in accepting myself as I am. A couple of weeks ago I realized I have some self acceptance issues. I was afraid to do a simple task because I was worried what my coworkers would think. I realized they had gotten inside my head. Later that day I asked myself why I cared what they thought of me. I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't need their approval. They aren't living my life so they don't have to like me. But I do. And that day I decided that I like my life, mistakes and all. I don't dread coming to work anymore. I'm living the life I want to live.

• What do you want?

I've been listening to self improvement and motivational podcasts. Some of them talk about having a calling and others just talk about doing more of what you love. Probably the most help thing I've learned those is that I don't have to do everything other people think I should do. That doesn't mean we don't need to heed wise counsel. What it does mean is that you don't have to get a "real job" just because other people think you should. Maybe you should. The real question is what do YOU want to do?

What if you don't have the talent for the thing you love? You can always learn the skill. Even talented people have to practice

• Silence your negative voice

Sometimes I wonder why I cared so much what other people thought I should do with my life. I think I was looking for validation. I wanted to be reassured that my dreams weren't crazy. I didn't trust myself. I had, and probably still have, limiting beliefs.

I've often thought, "I want to write a book." Then my next thought is almost always, "who am I kidding? What do I have to say? And anyway, who would read it?" I answer that negative voice with, "I'm not kidding anyone. I have plenty to say and I'll keep learning, and then I'll more to say. If I write about what interests me, others will also like it too.

• You don't need to make money doing things you love.

• Look for opportunity

•Never Too Late!

It’s tricky to switch horses mid stream, especially when you have a wife and kids to support, but it’s never too late to start doing more of what you love and look for ways to bless others.

So, do something, do anything!