Deception

My name is Roslyn. I'm an average girl living an average life. I don't do anything extraordinary. There is nothing different about me, or there never use to be. One day I was pushed over the edge, I snapped. "Another me" or a split personality was created. I call her Alice. She takes on her own thoughts, ignoring mine completely; follows her desires, unknown to me right now; and does whatever she wants as long as it pleases her, which usually consists of creating misery for others. This other person in me has caused me to have a more adventurous life style: opposite of average.

I lived months with out realizing Alice was invading my brain. I carried on my dreary high school sophomore year. I made a friend named Chrys. She was like me in ways. She was uncertain about herself, and was bottled up like me, we even started our first year at the same school. Being "newbies" we didn't really know what to expect, but what happened was far from what we thought. It all began after the first month of school, homecoming had passed and school life was quiet.

I wasn't use to such retarded people, all conceded and cocky, thinking they could do what they wanted when they didn't even know what it was they wanted. I had a low tolerance for their crap and avoided them as much as possible. Making friends wasn't going to be easy, since I already looked like a loner. I wandered the halls and went to class. This is where I met Chrys. She was very nice and got along with me well, we began to joke and enjoy our class time, just because we had each other to talk to. She didn't really like how the kids here acted either, and I was relieved to know I wasn't the only one. We later realized we had other classes together. We met up and ate lunch together and all was good. Homecoming drama echoed through the halls and I stepped to the side to avoid it all, one wrong word could suck you into it. But just because I avoided it didn't mean I couldn't laugh at it, Chrys and I did just that. We overheard the silly, pointless drama, and laughed at it. That was a mistake. Shorty after homecoming, when drama was at the point that it couldn't decide whether to be done with or at its peak, a boy walked up to Chrys and picked on her. I could tell he was joking, and I looked away deciding he didn't notice me. I was ok with him not noticing, since he was a stranger. Then that thought was cut short when he looked up from his victim, and spotted me. I happened to look over and laugh at the same time. Our eyes met and I quickly looked away. But the boy was persistent and a flirt. He introduced himself as Louis, and from there he started picking on me to. After that we began talking. Talking led us to date, but little did I know this talking and dating would suck me and Chrys into pointless drama. It's pointless drama would be what started a split inside me, it's what began to release Alice.

It was nearly lunch time, and I was walking down the hallway, thinking. It was time to go meet up with Louis, but something seemed weird about him lately. I knew something was up but I didn't say anything. Suddenly Louis's ex came running toward me, I had no idea where she came from. "Brooklyn? What are you --" she cut me of, "Oh my gawd! Louis and Tommy are totally about to fight. Tommy is gonna beat the crap outta him!!!! Chrys is there but oh my gawd!" I hate fights. Flat out hate them. I asked her to tell me where but I had to wait until she had calmed down. She told me the whole story about everything. After learning who this Tommy kid was I immediately decided I had to stop this. I ran to the site to see them freaking out, Brooklyn was far behind me as I ran to the two, she had to stop and take a breath. I screamed for them to stop, but before I got a chance, an adult was there. The adult took Louis and left Tommy. As I got closer I heard everyone whispering about how Louis was being arrested and I became infuriated. I looked around for the person to blame, and I looked at Tommy. Just as I spotted him my good friend Sam came running toward me. I didn't notice him. I only saw Tommy who was smiling viciously. I began to walk toward him. Chrys, Brooklyn, and another girl, Polly, began to hold me back. But at this point my rage had consumed me, they couldn't hold me back and I raised my fist as I got closer to my target. As I began to swing a hand grabbed my wrist. Sam had got in between us. He had a hold of my wrist and a hand on my opposite shoulder. Tommy sneered and walked away. Realizing what was going on I snapped out of it. I began to shake and tears filled up my eyes. I almost hurt Sam, my best friend, and I almost punched a guy, a guy that would hit me back. Sam knew I felt bad, and he let go of me and hugged me. When he let go we smiled at each other, and the we left to go speak for Louis, hopefully that would get him out of trouble. This was the first time my personality noticeably split, and it was far from the last.

I stayed with Louis for about a month longer, I couldn't stand his drama any longer. Most of my time was spent with Chrys and Sam, the only real friends I had. But even then I could feel something inside me pushing myself to be alone. I realized now that I had most definitely fallen for my best friend. Sam renewed the feelings I had with my first True Love, the boy I had loved for so long, the boy that... Oh never mind. Sam flirted with me quite frequently and I was always close to him. He had this thing he always did; he would hug me tightly, wrap his arms around me, and tell me he loved me. I would blush instantly, eyes wide, unsure of what to do: hug him or let go? Then he would let go of me winking with his cute face and finish the sentence with "As a friend.” I realized then that he knew how I felt about him.

Days went by and the moment came where he made me feel like he returned my feelings. I was so happy. I came to school the next day, ready to ask him if we could be more than these flirty friends, that loved one another. But I couldn't find him all morning. By my last class before lunch, my heart dropped, I was worried. VERY worried. With my head down, I walked to where Chrys and I always meet. She knows whats wrong, we had been texting about it all morning. She pats me on the back, and together we walk outside w here we meet Emelia. We all sit and talk and I try to cheer up, but deep inside I feel only sorrow. It hurts more than I can bare. Then they decide its to hot and want to go inside. I look up at them, who were now standing. I began to stand and face the doors to our school, when I get this feeling that something horrible will happen. It makes me want to sit back down, but I follow my friends. A little voice in my head says 'Idiot, you will regret this' but I shake it off. I take about 5 steps, smiling at the ground. I look up at the crowd of kids around me, and there I see him, Sam! My heart cries out with joy, butterflies filling my insides up. I began to happily walk toward him, stuff in my hand, smile stretching ear to ear. Then the crowd moves and I have a better look at him.... and her. Sam has never been a guy to show true affection, but sure enough he was doing that. They were holding hands. He looked over and met my eyes. We were both standing there and it seemed like we were alone facing each other. He was caught in the act of deceiving me. My heart dropped to the deepest and darkest part inside me, break into bits as it hit the bottom, and every butterfly in me had it's wings Brutally and Maliciously ripped off. He knew what was going through my heart and head. Just then Chrys and Emelia caught up to me and saw my facial expression. Becoming worried they followed my gaze, to see the horrible heart destroyer I stumbled upon. I dropped my head, and lipped some soundless words. His eyes widen, and a single tear runs down my cheek. It dropped to the floor. As it hit I dropped my stuff and ran. Disappearing in the crowd, my friends grabbed my stuff, but lost sight of me. Chrys shoots an evil eye at Sam, who turns his head towards the girl of the moment. And Then my two friends take off after me, but I was already long gone.

Lost inside of myself.

It didn't take long to find me, or maybe it did, I had lost track of the time. When they found me I was in a rarely used stairwell, and I was crying. Not loud, but uncontrollably. Tears streamed one after another down my face, their had only been one other time I had cried like that... I ran off so he wouldn't see how much I needed him, and he never knew.

After that I learned they were dating, no shock. Amy was a total prep, and volleyball player, and who knows what else. After that day I didn't say a word to him, not one word. I wouldn't go near him, and I wouldn't look at him. That was the end, of the best friendship I had ever had.

After that a new feeling grew inside of my heart. It was dark, hateful, painful... and, it wasn't me. Alice was clawing at me from the inside. She reached from a deep part in me and was searching for her escape route.

I was blind, unable to see it. And I was to hurt to stop it, I just helped it grow.

Another month went by, I was lonely and depressed, but I was also more vicious and hot headed. Louis wanted me back, and when I continually rejected him, he resorted to bullying me. I only laughed and returned the feeling. Finally we got sick of it, and had a truce. We talked to one another here and there. Then the day happened when a mutual friend of me and Polly's accidentally introduced me to her ex. Tyler was very kind, and was focused on getting his ex back. He had “accidentally” cheated on her, when her best friend got all up over him and she walked in just as it was happening. Tyler begged and pleaded, he was in love. I understood, and decided to try and help. Guess I'm still soft. Pathetic. We talked, gosh he was so good to me. Phone calls, texting, and internet, was all I did. I enjoyed his company, and we were good friends. Then Louis befriended him.Everything went well, as to be expected. And I got to close. I developed a blossoming crush, and shockingly, so did he. He finally came out and told me, then asked me out. With a confession like that, how could I say no?

Sam had let me fall, Chrys and friends picked me up and brushed me off, and Tyler picked me up: Sweeping me off my feet.

Phone calls and everything continued, and I forgot about my depression, and all about the other me hidden inside.

But things got messed up. Louis's jealousy grew and consumed him. He began to try and instigate fights. I was worried, I couldn't let Tyler get hurt. So I made him avoid the enemy. That's fair right???

I began to feel lonely again, and I wanted Tyler to be there. But he never came to see me, I was always alone being bullied. His dad was rude and refused to let him leave, and he went to a different school. What could I do? Lived to far, I couldn't drive and all this. But he poured his heart out, and it made me smile again.

I didn't want to let go.

I don't have to..

I don't.. have to...

Let go....