FESTERING ON THE PAST

Have you met people or know people in your Life who fester about things, over and over again? They just can't let it go. Day in and day out, the same issues come up. Days go by, months, years, decades, and yet they still fester on things of the past. They sometimes speak in third party references. Blaming “they” even if “they” are standing in the room with them at that time.

For some reason, they believe they can go back and change things, rather than moving forward with change. Most of the time, they also blame others for things they should be taking responsibility for instead. It always seems to be somebody else's fault. They always look for someone else to pin the guilt on. In some ways, this is a form of “Projection.” This term is used in psychology to describe someone who blames somebody else for something they are already doing. Thus, avoiding responsibility for the process and outcome.

The Truth of the matter is, we must all be responsible for our own decisions. We must be responsible for the effect of what we allow the cause to be. We cannot make someone else do something they don't want to do. We cannot effect change upon someone else. we can't inflict our own personal desires upon someone else. Change occurs within. Within ourself only. We have a massive power within us to change everything ... with US. Our world. Not someone else's.

When you attend a concert, it's up to each individual musician to tune their instrument before the performance. If everyone does their part, harmony and beautiful orchestration will ensue. If one performer is out of tune, the whole orchestra loses it's harmony. But the violinist cannot tune the tympani, and the xylophonist cannot tune the classical guitar. These are personal responsibilities that cannot be accomplished by "other."

Now keep the orchestra example in mind. The performer who festers, will continue to gripe and complain about the violinist having been out of tune. They will fester and complain during the concert, after the concert, a month later, a year later ... and perhaps for the rest of their life. They'll look back in the ego-mind records and say “I'm not the one who played out of tune way back in 1984. If you hadn't done that, we may have had a better review.”

The reviews 20 or 30 years ago are dead. The reviews yesterday are dead. They cannot be unwritten or changed. They are what they are. So the average person forgives the incident, and says how do we keep this from happening again. The one who festers keep beating the dead horse expecting it to get up and run. They can't let it go. They become septic and toxic. The baggage load is immense. But it is the one who festers, that has to put it down. It is their decision. And if they don't do it, friends and family will begin to separate from them, and they will wonder why.

No one wants to keep hearing the same story over and over again about how so and so screwed me. Or about my miserable childhood, or about Bob and Mary's dinner party where the food made everyone sick. All of these things are part of Life's experiences, and the more Life we bring to them, the more they keep living. Things that we resist, will continue to persist. The harder I push someone, the harder they push back. This is “friction” and it is immutable Law.

Stop festering. Let it go. It cannot be changed backwards, it can only be changed forwards. The past has passed, the future doesn't exist yet, and all we have is NOW. Put down the weapons, put down the guilt, put down the fear, put down the negative thinking and actions. Festering like this is unforgiveness. And it is no different than drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.

Just a thought ...

~Justin Taylor, ORDM., OCP., DM.