Untitled

Chapter 1

Edward

I lay resting my eyes under one of the many tall oak trees that were at intervals across our expansive estate. The sun was out and it had become quite comfortable. I flicked a page absentmindedly in leather bound tome. I was meant to be reading. But frankly I had better things to look at it.

Across from me, polishing one of the coaches stood a rugged Scottish Adonis. Lucas Fraser, a tall, well taller than me at least, broad shouldered with muscular arms that had grown through physical labour. There was a reason I had spent much of youth secretly and not so secretly pining after him.

“Lucas. Aren’t you finished yet” The gruff shout from the curmudgeonly Head coach man, Mr Griffith.

I rolled my eyes, so many of the staff were old and bitter. Lucas like myself had grown up around Harrison Hall, the large estate in Somerset. Although in my case he wasn’t born into privilege. His Mother had been Nanny to my twin sister Kitty and I. Lucus had been educated alongside us, largely I suspect to keep us on task. He was probably my dearest friend, emphasis on dearest. There were days where running off with him to Scotland, India or other parts of the Queens realm sounded delightful.

“I’m just polishing it Sir. Otherwise, I've finished” Lucas answered, the Scottish lilt drifting through his words. It drove me at times to bedlam, or at least stained bed sheets.

“Have the stalls are mucked out?” He snapped, I could already imagine the spital presumably with bits of chewing Tabacco mixed in flying out with aggravation.

“Yes Sir” Lucas replied.

“Then go have lunch. I’ll find you in an hour. The Master needs to be picked up from the station.” Mr Griffith answered tugging on his waistcoat and stomping away.

I shook my head and turned a page. Noticing as Lucas pulled a bottle from out behind one of the wheels and took a swig. Before walking toward me. “I can’t take much more of this” Lucas commented as he sat down next to me, a mangled tree root between us.

“Give it to the winter. One of the staff is bound to die, and then you’ll get a promotion” I commented dismissively. As I replaced the bookmark in my page.

“I don’t think I’ll last that long Edward” Lucas said taking another swig of the liquid. “Drinking during the day. Mrs Creedy will have a fit” I grinned rolling onto my back.

“If I get caught. I shall blame you” Lucas grinned cockily and offered me the bottle. His smile was gorgeous, so disarming.

“She would believe that. Although your mother wouldn’t” I pointed out as I took a swig of rum.

“Well. I spoke to your father on Wednesday, before he last went to London. I’ve offered my resignation.” “You’ve what?” I sat up suddenly practically spitting out the rum I had been attempting to swallow.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in servitude” Lucas insisted.

“Really? It’s better than some are doing. Better than half of London for that matter” I said irritation rising.

“Look. I’ve already paid for passage. I’m going to Melbourne, the gold rush. I’ve been reading about it, all these Men finding gold. If I struck rich, I could be set for life.”

“Or die destitute in the process.”

“Cheery aren’t you” Lucus commented amused. “But what else there for me here.”

I went to speak but paused, “I suppose if Father has his way and sends me off to University. I could have you attend me as a Vallet. However...”

“Precisely nothing” Lucas nodded.

He’d already decided. The stubborn git, I felt sick with frustration. Why was he allowed to go off and find his fortune and I was stuck here? The spare heir encase my brother chokes, honestly it wasn’t fair. “What of us? Hmm?”

“Ed” Lucas sighed. I bristled, i detested being called Ed. The only ones who said were Lucas and Kitty. She only did it because it riles me up. “Your a toff. You have other friends.”

“Then please kindly point them in my direction” I snapped getting up and grabbing my book. “Well. I suppose if you leaving than I wish you well” I muttered, although my tone suggested otherwise.

“Don’t have a fit. How else would this go?”

“I don’t know!” I said gesturing. “But you are on of the few people who makes all of this tolerable.” Lucas visibly tensed, his face flushed red. “That was a mistake.”

“Was it?” I said stopping coolly. “I didn’t think so.” I went off in a strop, ignoring Lucas’s calls behind me. (Maybe insert Manor description)

I slammed open the front doors shaking my head. “The imbicille” I said wanting to break something.

“What’s got you in a flap?” Katherine asked as she swept down the stairs. My twin sister was undeniably pretty, she had narrow face with brown eyes and plump lips, brown hair was curled and assembled into some unfathomable hairstyle. Her dress was a pale blue made up of layers over of petticoats puffed outward.

“Ed, Come off it. Don’t make a scene” Lucas called after me. Frankly it made me seethe even more than I already had.

“Mr Fraser, household staff are to use the Side Entrance” Mr Boyle the Butler intoned appearing at the sound of the ruckus.

“Dismissed Mr Boyle” I said turning anger in my eyes. “I am busy having an argument with Lucas, I don’t have any desire to be interrupted over trifles of etiquette” I snapped. Mr Boyle looked rather shocked by attitude and stepped back suddenly.

“Edward” Lucas said shaking his head.

“If your quite content to go off and throw away our friendship.”

Katherine folded her arms and smiled as she leaned against the banister. “You know you are the only person in the whole household who doesn’t know. Because we all know you’d react like this” She commented. I wanted to slap her. But she was stronger than me so it had never been worth it.

“Lucas? Is that true? Well?”

Lucas remained silent, and shuffled his feet. “Yes. Purely because...”

I looked at the roof above, trying to compose my thoughts. “Well then. I’ll make sure not to see you off” I said and headed upstairs, desperate to find a room I could unleash my frustrations in.

“I wish you a terrible voyage!”

Chapter 2

Katherine

“Master Edward has been carrying on. I heard he got into such an argument with Mr Boyle, he spent all of breakfast complaining about it” Allette commented. “He’s threatening to speak to your father.”

“Father won’t do anything; Edward doesn’t care and Lucas leaves soon anyway.”

“Sophie is hoping whoever is hired to replace him is just as handsome. Mrs Creedy told her not to get her hopes up” Allette said chatting away, I nodded not really listening as she fitted the corset. “Did you find Lucas attractive; I know you grew up together but...”

I didn’t answer, but I felt my face become hot. As memories of Lucas chasing and making me laugh. That time on my sixteenth birthday when he’d lured me down to the elm trees that sat in the garden. Down near the edge of the property, the lantern he gripped in his hand. The fog clinging to the ground, as it parted for each footstep. Our breath making clouds that hung in the air. The way Lucas held my hand tightly and fiercely. The way his shirt was tighter as his body had filled out.

“Where’s Ed?” I had asked so long ago.

“Bed probably” Lucas said with a cheeky grin.

“What if someone finds us?” I had hissed, the idea of caught not stoking the fear it perhaps should have.

“We won’t be” Lucas said as he rested the lantern between the branches, resting precariously. He looked around and smiled. “I heard you went to your first hall. All those boys falling over themselves. May i have the pleasure of a dance milady” Lucas said sounding as pretentious as possible as he bowed mockingly.

“You’ve been listening to Edward too much, he’s exaggerating” I had stared at him annoyed.

“He’s jealous” Lucas replied shrugging. He moved closer to me. “I’m jealous.”

I remember that feeling of elation, the way my heart beat faster. “Really?” I could scarcely believe it.

“I shouldn’t do this” he admitted bashfully, as he leaned close and kissed me gently. Pulling away before it could linger.

“But you did” I replied smiling at him.

“I did” He nodded his smile returning.

"No, I didn’t. And not too tight” I requested to the ladies maid as she pulled the corset, “If I could breathe, I would appreciate it.”

“Yes Ma’am” She nodded as she tied off the lacing. I ran my hand down the front. It was a rather plain corset, but it had served me well and the ivory boning was rather sturdy. I looked at my reflection in the mirror my nickers covering my legs, while the corset supported my rather average bust. My dress a pink morning dress covered in embroidery, it was slipped over me and tied up. I swirled checking how comfortable I felt before slipping into the shoes Allette had laid out for me.

There was a knock on the door, the familiar wrapping of knuckles signalling that it was “You mustn't let him in. Mrs Creedy is furious with him” Allete hissed. “All of Master Edward’s carrying on.”

“It’s Lucas, he’s hardly some cad” I said looking at her sighing.

“People will talk, you’re a lady ma’am” Allette insisted, signalling her intention

I chuckled and opened the door, ignoring the squeaking protests from my ladies maid. Lucas stood there his reddish hair looked suitably unkept and a cotton shirt far simpler than his usual Household attire. “Has my father at least provided you a coach to the station?” I asked.

“Me Dad is going take me in the wagon. See me off” Lucas said his hands shoved into his pockets. “I wish you weren’t going. Ed is already intolerable” I commented.

Lucas gave me a sympathetic smile, “He’s hurt. I don’t blame him. Our friendship would have always ended up like this.”

“Perhaps. And ours?” I asked smiling innocently.

He grinned, and I tried not to swoon. “You are destined for better things. One of these days a handsome man is going to come along and sweep you off your feet.”

I practically gagged in discomfort, “hardly, I have no desire to end up like my sister. Doing everything possible to keep her husband's wandering eye interested.”

“There are times when you and Edward aren’t that different” Lucas chuckled. “It’s stubbornness. Family trait” I commented haughtily.

“I should leave before Allette has a fit” Lucas said waving to her politely. She nodded back, refusing to make eye contact.

“I suppose. You’ll write?”

“I’ll try. I don’t know how long it’ll take for any to arrive” Lucas cautioned.

I nodded and held my hand out, he gripped it tightly, his calloused fingers running over my palm. “Be safe. I’ll pray for you.”

Lucas smiled appreciatively, his cheeks flushing slightly. “Goodbye Kitty.”

“Goodbye” I replied, my stomach tightening as I felt my heart ache. I leaned close and kissed his cheek gently. “Goodbye Lucas.”

He nodded stoically. Pressed his hands into his pockets and walked down the corridor.

I stood in the doorway and felt my eyes water, I dabbed at them gently with a handkerchief. I was envious that he could walk away, start a new life. I knew I’d never be afforded that luxury.

I withdrew back into my room and composed myself. Allete didn’t speak on it, I was appreciative of that. She tidied and left the room and I sat on my bed for a while, considering things.

My father and I and were the only ones who went down to say our goodbyes to Lucas. Edward was still be stroppy over the whole affair, I caught him on one occasion throwing up into a chamber pot having finished off half of bottle of polish Vodka. I’d almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t being such a swot about the whole thing. What did he expect Lucas to do, given they were both no longer children and when Edward came home from Eton over the summers? It became increasingly pronounced that they were no longer children, Lucas had his own interests and Edward was perhaps too self-obsessed to see it.

“Goodbye Lucas, be safe and don’t do anything stupid. Make sure you remember your prayers” Mrs Fraser fussed, her auburn-coloured hair streaked with grey, her cheeks puffy and streaked with tears.

“Mum, I’ll be fine. Promise” Lucas smiled honestly.

“I’ll still worry. So far away” she said practically refusing to break the hug. Despite Lucas protests and mounting embarrassments.

“I’ll write I promise” Lucas insisted. I smiled at that.

“Mary, let the poor boy go” Mr. Fraser had said after finishing tacking the horses.

Mrs. Fraser huffed but relented, Lucas broke free and relaxed. He approached father and I respectfully, “Thank you for everything” He insisted.

“You are welcome anytime” Father answered honestly. “I’ll Miss you Lucas” I said honestly.

He smiled but it faded as quickly as it had appeared, “you’ll be fine.” But I suspected his words for his benefit more than mine. “So do you think Ed’s going to come down.”

I pursed my lips, “He doesn’t like goodbyes.”

“For someone as dramatic as he is, that surprises me.”

I grinned, “I know he’ll miss you.”

“I know he does. Right, I suppose this is it” he commented taking a short breath. “Kitty, Lord. Verrell.” “Goodbye Lucas” Father said.

Lucas gave a last goodbye to the household servants, he climbed aboard the carriage. Before his father set off, he didn’t look back. Mrs. Fraser waving as the carriage followed the path around the manor.

Chapter 3

Edward

It turns out when your dearest friend of nineteen decides to leave for the antipodean continent. It’s a rather traumatic experience.

Who ever knew?

It also only seemed to highlight to my father how far I had fallen from the tree. Particularly in regards what a sensible Englishman should be.

The one saving grace I discovered were secret men's clubs and copious amounts of alcohol. Because it turns out a rich boy with money to throw around is delightfully popular. But it was nothing but a passing fancy, a distraction. Something to fill the emptiness lingering since Lucas had absconded. Sure, there was the occasional letter but it was a poor substitute.

Kitty had long since stopped letting me complain to her. But frankly given she was the only other person who was friends with him. It came of as rather cold hearted. Lucas wasn’t dead, he ought to be here at home. With us. I didn’t give a care if he we had to hand him half a farm to make him stay. But I needed him. He kept me sane, made me laugh and godforbid he was a joy to stare at.

I had more dreams about caressing his naked body than I had prayers to god. Who is fine, but frankly he’s obviously screwed up making me. If he could at a minimum have given me the ability to fein even a passing interest in women it would save a lot of face.

Instead I was forced to deal with ‘The Incident.’

On an occasion when I elected to accompany my father to London for the opening of parliament. London was still frightfully cold, and on an evening I had gone out to a club. It was on the seedier side of town, so much so I had paid a handsome to wait nearby if I needed a quick escape.

Over a few drinks. I met a thin young man, he worked as an Accountant in Kensington. He was boyishly cute with thick sideburns, his hair was quiffed. It wasn’t long before I had begun kissing him, my hands reaching under his shirt. By late evening and under the influence I brought him back to my Family’s London apartments. We had buggered each other until we fell asleep. However, in the morning on the footman, who frankly seemed so ancient I was impressed he was still alive. Came in to open the windows and allow light in. I may have been half asleep but the look of horror at the sight of the shirtless man snoring next to me had obviously been too much. He had walked out, with little composure, and then keeled over in the hallway outside my door. The shock of my desire for men causing the old man to give up the ghost.

My father was rightly horrified. So was the man I slept with, who was terrified the incident would cost him job. It wouldn’t my father was too proud for the incident to drift further than the stables.

But it unfortunately meant my father now looked at me in a different light. I was tarnished and a problem. His suggestions for university had increased, to straighten me out. Mother who was equally horrified and on several occasions had commented that she didn’t know what she’d done wrong to birth a Nancy.

In all honesty it was becoming a lot. At a certain point even my bravado was beginning to slip and a stay in bedlam looked more favourable than my parents continued worries.

I had begun making plans, which for me was especially difficult. I wasn’t much of overthinking everything into mania. But with the fleeting letters from Lucas.

Which I will disclose sounded frankly rough. Nevertheless, it would be a clean break, a growing colony with the name of our Queen. It all relied on my Fathers reaction. It was breakfast, mother hadn’t come down and neither had my brother's wife. The table was set neatly with its polished cutlery, the fire was already crackling in the grand fireplace. My father who was showing his age, sat in a chair, his jacket barely closing around his fat middle. His hair which was thinning and a red round face. My brother who had been tall and narrow, was starting to resemble my father in width concerned me greatly. Although he still had most of his hair. Good living was one thing, but I’m concerned that I could end up resembling them horrified my greatly. Stout would never be a term used to describe me.

“Good morning” I offered sitting down, as I nodded toward my father. “Morning Edward. I heard you were up late.”

“In the library. Hardly anything to worry over” I said through gritted teeth, as I looked up and saw my brother following.

“Morning Father” Kitty said sweetly, as she kissed my Fathers cheek and walked past me. “I saw your notes” she hissed as she sat.

I tensed in my chair and she grinned like a tiger from a circus. “Just a passing fancy” I said staring her down as subtly as possible.

She stared unflappably back at me. I detested how well she knew me. “There’s a party at the Williamson’s estate on Saturday, Kitty you ought to come. Their son is looking for a wife and he’s expressed interest in you” My brother suggested as he cut into a peice of bacon

I smiled as Kitty’s expression soured like she’d bit into a lemon. I hardly blamed her, the Son in question was well known for ending up in opium dens and unsuccessfully gambling huge swathes of fortune. “Perhaps” She said regaining composure. “I don’t know if I feel up for a party. Women’s business.”

While it was midly entertaining to watch the colour drain suddenly from my brothers face. As he stuttered and muttered awkward protests. Kitty was lying through her teeth.

“Oh you must. You could show off that new dress your father spent all that money on” Mother said as she walked in.

“Mother I.”

“Nonsense Katherine you cannot avoid it forever. Men don’t bite” Mother said as she sat down. She was perhaps a little dowdy, but her clothes were always elegant and hair was perfect. She was always determined to have all eyes on her. And I absolutely adored that about her. “Good morning Mummy” I smiled at her sweetly.

She smiled indulgently at me. “Good morning Ed your looking quite handsome this morning.” “Thankyou Mummy I do try” I smiled as I smiled at Kitty.

Who rolled her eyes back at me.

Behind her waddled in my older sister, her Husband some utter bore called Archibald had sent to her stay for a few weeks while he sailed to France. I suspected it was to gamble and sleep with women who didn’t look like they were growing a horse inside of them. Like Kitty my older sister had been effortlessly beautiful. However since having my rather tedious nephews, she started to look less effortless and more obviously trying.

“I didn’t expect you to be down for breakfast?” I commented to them both. “Well it isn’t often your all home” Mother smiled back at me.

“Yes” I scratched at my neck, now my task was sounding less and less easy by the moment. “Well perhaps that’s good. Yes. Erm well...” I stood to my feet. “I have an announcement I wish to make.”

“Please tell you have a fiancé” My brother commented sneering.

“No. If you’ll kindly let me finish” I curtly answered pressing my palms to my hips. “Are you done? Good. Now as I was trying to say. I have decided that I am going to leave for Victoria.”

“The Queen?” My mother said confused. “Your joining the army?”

“No. Mother. The colony of Victoria” I replied simply. “Given recent events, I’ve been considering that it might be a just course in action”

“You mean The Incident?” Kitty smiled at me cocksure.

“What incident?” My pregnant sister frowned.

“The one where little Eddie was found in bed with a young man. That drove an elderly man to the grave?”

“Don’t be crude. It was all a misunderstanding” Mother insisted. “The man was in Ill health.” But even I could tell she was deluding herself over it.

I looked at my father who had until this point remained silent. “And what would you do?”

“Well my intent is to setup at the Goldfields. Perhaps a business of some-kind, certainly I know there is money to be had” I said firmly. That was the bit I hadn’t really figured out. “But I wouldn’t intend to come back. Unless something were to happen to you two of course.”

My father nodded his chin wobbling. Considering it.

“Father. You can’t indulge him, he barely survived Eaton. Edward will be sent back in a coffin.”

“Hardly. I’ll keep him out of trouble” Kitty insisted.

“You what?” I said practically choking.

“I’ll obviously coming. I’m hardly going to let you go halfway around the world without me.”

“Both of you. Calm down, neither of you are going anywhere. Ed sweetie. We’ll get you a nice wife, and you’ll forget all about this nonsense” Mother insisted.

“Where’s the food. I’m aching” Kitty commented.

“Edward. May I speak with you” Brother said standing up, and gesturing to the door.

I nodded and followed him. Looking at my sister in confusion. Why would she want to join me, I was doing it to exile myself. Not as a pleasure jaunt.

Brother led me down the corridor to the sitting room. The servants had been hovering outside the dining room. Brother gestured to them to begin serving in our absence.

“You wanted to talk?” I asked innocently.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate to exile yourself. I think you ought to be seeing a priest or perhaps a stay in (Psychiatric care)

“Oh you are witty” I muttered rolling my eyes. “I have spent more than enough of my youth praying for the urges to go away. But I have come to realise that I am unable to change it. It’s how I am, God made me this way for a reason perhaps as entertainment” I muttered.

“God wouldn’t want you” Brother sneered.

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. “Don’t act so religiously pias. We both know my measly acts of buggary compare to the women you’ve paid for pleasure. I’m sure they were worth every pound.”

Brother huffed at me. “Father has always been to soft with you. No wonder you’ve ended up like this. Too spoilt.”

“Yes yes. Please keep insulting me. How clever of you” I said rubbing asking away dragging a finger over the chair. “Is there a point to this. Hmm?”

“I’ll make sure father allows you to leave. He is an old man, but it’s obviously the best thing for the family. For you to leave on your terms”

“Quite” I said pressing back on my heals.

“I don’t think I ought to let him give you any money.”

“If he doesn’t. I will make sure to beg in the town streets. Be a nuisance and a wart on our family legacy” I replied darkly. “You know it’s better to do it. Let me slip away quietly. Allow mother and father to think that their precious son is doing it willingly. That I may come home one day” I said with a wistful smile.

“Katherine comes home after a year”

“Katherine isn’t coming with me at all” I replied simply. “She has the hope of being normal. I’m aware that my desires are deviant. I might be her twin, but I’m not dragging Kitty down with me.”

“Katherine is absolutely joining you” Kitty said from the doorway. She promptly walked over and slapped brother hard across the face. “You are an absolute arse. I can’t believe you’d even say things like that to Ed. He might desire men, but he’s hardly a criminal.”

“Insolent brat!” Brother raged at us, cradling his cheek.

“I didn’t slap you. That was all her.” I pointed out unhelpfully. “Do you want my help?”

“I didn’t need it?”

“Yes you did. Your a mess, honestly you couldn’t survive in the wilderness for a day alone.”

“Thank you for your pronouncement”

“Are you two finished. So your both going to leave, Kitty you ought to stay. I’ll have a marriage arranged.”

“If you do try. I will happily put my shoe in your ass” Kathrine glared. “Shall we have breakfast. Mother is quite pressed.”

“Come along Ed. We must discuss our plans.”

“My plan. My plan” I said frustrated, following after her.

Chapter 3

Kitty

Mother wasn’t impressed, and too his credit neither was father. The idea of both Edward and I sailing off into the unknown with the intention of never returning scared them. I understood that they’d grown up with stories from The Times, Australia the far-off land where all our hardened criminals were exiled to never return. Mother was in my ear talking of ruffians and gamblers and men who had no morals.

It wasn’t that different to home. I wasn’t naïve and too many of my aristocracy acted with less morale fiber than our poorer counterparts. Men tended to believe they were beyond approach. Victorian morals might have been what they labored on about in church. But only the ones convenient to preventing women to succeed.

Mother had been against this since I got a copy of The Westminster Review from father. I don’t actually think he knew what he purchased for me, but inside the words of Harriet Taylor Mill spoke to me. How as a female I was expected to be domestic taken on womanly duties, bare children and tend the home. Certainly, being from a rich family, I was expected to marry well and be there to plan balls, parties and support my future husbands' status. I noticed most between myself and Edward, as Children while our personalities differed, we grew up alongside each other. We were dressed similarly until he was Breeched and forced in trousers, I remember him crying on many occasions when he wasn’t allowed to be dressed like I was. We were both educated to read and write at school, and at home this was encouraged by Mrs. Fraser, but while my brother went on to receive a more formal education at Eton. Where he brought home books on history, mathematics, geography and literature. I was taught more feminine pursuits.

We were forced onto different paths, which was nonsense. I was smarter than him, and he knew it. Honestly if I had been interested in the same sex. I’m not, men are stupid but they can be attractive when not acting like imbeciles. But if I had been, I wouldn’t have been stupid enough to get caught. My brother was far too precious to have attempted this if circumstances hadn’t forced his hand. I still had absolutely no idea what he planned to do when he got there. I did ask, but he was evasive which was typical.

“We’ll settle down, we have money. We’ll invest in something” he said as he went through his clothes. Tossing shirts into a pile.

“Do you know where we’re going?”

“Melbourne and then Ballarat. We have to sail from Liverpool I believe” He explained.

I sat down on the side of his bed arms crossed, “when?”

“I believe a ship departs later this week. I sent a letter enquiring about tickets, and they said it would be fine as long as I arrived in good time. First class obviously” He added quickly.

“Obviously” I laughed, I wouldn’t be that fussed. But I knew him to well, the thought of him in steerage was an entertaining thought.

Mrs Fraser a kind Scottish woman who had been retained in the household long after we became to old to have a Nanny. Assisted me with packing. “Now how many dresses are you taking?” She asked firmly.

“I don’t want to take too much luggage” I considered, as I knew Ed would take every excuse to avoid physical labour.

“Well take a couple of dresses, your nice one that your father bought and a few others. I worry about the boat; it’ll be an awful long time for you and Arthur to be cooped up” Mrs Fraser commented as she folded up some underwear.

“We will make it work” I offered.

Mrs Fraser raised an eyebrow at me, “The pair of you? Really?”

“We can.”

“You maybe. I worry about Edward” Mrs Fraser said honestly.

“He’s scared, and frustrated” I commented. “I understand that?” “Oh?” Mrs Fraser prompted.

“Being someone else for the sake of everyone around you.”

Mrs Fraser hugged me warmly. “You're a rather smart young woman.” I grinned. “It certainly isn’t Edward” I commented smirking.

“Given I caught him sneaking one of your old dresses out of here, I wouldn’t put it past him” Mrs Fraser smiled. “Keep him safe, and from doing anything stupid” She warned. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand over my stomach. My stomach was in knots and in truth I was keen to depart. I know Edward was suspicious of my motives, but I had a firm desire to follow Lucas. He was special and when the two of us were alone it made my heart run fast and my decisions to be as questionable as Edwards.

“Your beautiful” Lucas had grinned as he lay on his side propping his head up with his hand.

I still remember the way my cheeks blushed. I hadn’t been this naked with anyone other than my maid servants. Yet I was exhilarated and exhausted by it, Lucas leaned in and kissed my cheek, as his rough hands caressed my chest. “Your incorrigible” I moaned, letting myself be taken in by his enthusiasm.

I still remember his cheeky proud grin before he dipped beneath the bedsheets, as our secret tryst resumed. I didn’t regret it though, and certainly I wished it hadn’t ended. I held hope that perhaps Lucas hadn’t found someone else. But I understood what remained unsaid between us, he left because he could never have me. Perhaps he hoped if he came back with a fortune of his own, he could be seen as a suitable beau. Yet I knew that there was only so long I could stave off being unmarried before my hand was forced. Unfortunately circumstances were forcing it.

It was early when we were due to depart, the sun had barely risen and the air was still cold to the skin. Our luggage had already been loaded onto a carriage when I headed downstairs, Edward was practically beaming, “Everything is packed and ready, if we’re away soon we should be make it to Liverpool by tonight.”

“It is far too early for you to be this enthusiastic” I muttered.

“Have a lark” Edward grinned spinning on the tips of toes. “You can always stay” He pressed.

“No” I replied simply.

Edward visibly deflated, “Well fine, but remember I'm in control. I have all the finances” He waved a leather satchel under my nose. “I’m a semi rich man.”

“Git” I snatched the satchel from his and whacked him with it.

“Honestly the pair of you” Mrs Fraser commented, as she pried the satchel from my grip and handed it back to Edward. “I’ve had a lunch prepared for you to take” she said handing my sister a basket.

“Thankyou” I smiled warmly.

She took both our hands tightly, “I wish I knew what to say.”

Edward smiled and hugged her tightly. “I’ll miss you Nanny” he muttered.

“I’ll miss you too” She smiled hugging him. She turned to me and smiled warmly, “You’ve become a remarkable young woman. You both should be so proud of how much you’ve grown up.”

Edward nodded stoically, he noticed as our family began to come down. Father and Mother, and our older siblings all coming to bid us farewell.

“Edward, Oh I do wish you would reconsider” Mother said sweeping Edward into a rather showy embrace.

“I’m sorry mother. I will keep in touch where possible, but I assume they’ll be a delay with my letters” Edward said calmly.

“Katherine now do come home after your brother is settled. We’ll take you to the next London season” Mother said insisting.

“Of course,” I nodded indulging her.

Father hugged me warmly, kissing my forehead. He took Edward to one side and spoke to him briefly; in hushed tones I couldn't make out. Edward barely even reacted to it.

“I think it’s time we were going” Edward announced calmly.

“So soon, stay for breakfast” Mother insisted.

“We have food for our journey. Kitty?” Edward said gesturing to the front doors.

“Goodbye” I smiled with a last time. Edward gave a passing wave and walked out. Father had said something, evidently. I followed after Edward the household staff where all lined up neatly. Edward was making a show of saying goodbye to them all, even giving Mr Boyle more respect than he had in the last year.

We said final goodbyes to Mother and Father, and even my sister seemed a little teary eyed. Although she blamed the pregnancy. Edward opened the carriage door and offered his hand to me as I climbed in. “We’ll be off” Edward called to Mr Fraser.

“Right, you are” Mr Fraser replied.

As Edward shut the carriage door behind him. He smiled at me as he looked out and waved at our household as we set off. I watched as Edward sat back, a depression clearly taking root on his face.

“Ed?”

He raised a hand for silence, and closed his eyes before he began to sob. Crying in a manor I hadn’t seen we’d been children. I moved beside and placed a hand on his leg. “Ed”

“Please just stop” he said between sobs. “I don’t need pity. I don’t, I just need a moment.”

“We can come home.”

“No, you can come home” He replied coldly. “I’m not wanted. Father and (BROTHER) have given me a small fortune on the condition I don’t return. I am to make a life for myself In Victoria or somewhere else” he said sniffing eyes beginning to water.

Chapter 4

Edward

I hated crying Infront of Kitty, she thought it weak. That it was a sign I was not a strong enough man. I had never been man enough.

It was a critique that had followed me since childhood. My father had said it on firmly, on occasions away from mother's eye. My brother used as an insult at every occasion possible. I attempted to rise to it, but in those efforts to become the sort of strong Englishman. I faltered at every turn.

Even Lucas, although he didn’t mean it intentionally. Said it.

I had left earlier than him, and ventured to the edge of the estate grounds on the route he was obviously going to take. I packed the essentials, a few clothes and the small amount of cash I had stashed away. I watched as the carriage rolled up his father sat atop, as he slowed the horses. They bayed and whined. Lucas jumped off the back and walked over to where I stood.

“I’m coming with you” I told him.

Lucas just looked at me quizzically. “Ed, be serious.”

“I am. I’m not letting you venture on this escapade without me” I warned firmly. “You cannot dissuade me.”

Lucas folded his arms, “You wouldn’t last a day, you’ll spend the whole of it moping and complaining. It isn’t going to be easy it’ll be hard work.”

“I can handle hard work” I insisted, but it didn’t come out sounding as sure as I meant it. “Go home Ed” Lucas said firmly.

“Shan’t and what about...”

“Stop. That won’t happen again” Lucas warned I could hear the frustration in his voice. “You didn’t seem to mind at the time” I replied curtly.

Lucas flashed red with anger. “Go home” I could tell he was biting his tongue in an effort to not say something worse.

“Just say It I know your desperate to” I sneered. “You're not the first to think that way.”

“Stop it” Lucas growled stepping close, I could feel his warm breath on my face. I felt embarrassed I wanted Lucas to kiss me. “Do you want the truth? Okay” he sighed and his head dipped in shame. “I thought you were Kitty. I wouldn’t have let it get that far otherwise” Lucas said honestly.

I stepped back and gulped; I hated the feeling that was building in my chest. “I suppose this is goodbye then” I murmured quietly.

“Ed” Lucas could tell his words had stung.

“You’ve made your feelings clear” I said trying to regain my dignity. “Goodbye Lucas. I wish you well” I knew my words sounded hollow.

“Goodbye Ed” Lucas nodded as he climbed back onto the carriage. I watched as it carried on down the road. I took my bag and disappeared between the trees. Hiding in a ditch out of shame. I cried for what felt like an eternity, out of shame and frustration. When I eventually returned back to the mansion, I slipped back to my room feigning that I had a hangover.

It felt like a bad idea, Lucas words still ringing in my head. But this was my own fault. Although I couldn’t fathom why Kitty was involving herself. I was a marked man, she was as always the superior twin. I steadied myself, pressing my frustration and anger down. I needed to focus, we ended up catching the train with barely enough time to get our belongings loaded mind you. Shuffling into a compartment bound for Bristol. Two older women Grey hair all piled up one in a blue dress and the other in pink. Both rather matronly looking over a copy of newspaper. “It’s quite the scandal. Could you imagine Beatrice murdering your husband” One of them tittered to the other. Clearly loving the juicy bit of gossip to salivate over.

I did my best to peer out the window as the train began to move.

“Hello Dears where are you off too” Beatrice commented.

“Liverpool” Kitty commented.

I shot her a look, I hated making small talk with strangers. I always felt judged. I usually was being judged. “We’re leaving for Australia.”

“Have you been married long?” The other woman asked.

The sheer absurdity of the question made me burst into a fit of laughter. “That’s my sister” I said trying to regain some composure.

“Your as blind as bat Miriam, you really ought to get glasses” Beatrice chided.

The other old woman was Miriam. “Well. Ahem I’m Edward and this is my sister Katherine” I offered greeting them politely.

“Oh it’s a shame your leaving the country my daughter would find you quite handsome” Miriam proffered. “She’s single.”

“I gathered. How unfortunate” I said indulgently.

My sister suppressed her amusement. Glancing over at the newspaper in Beatrice’s lap. “Killed her husband, if she’d done that. He would have had to have deserved it.”

“I would never kill my Harold” Miriam insisted.

Even Beatrice seemed to disbelief this, “Even after all night at the pub?”

“You know what men are like?”

“Deplorable?” I offered leaning back in my seat. “Whoever he was. He absolutely deserved it, there were more than enough Men at Eton who acted like they were Gods gift to women.”

Katherine smiled at me, approvingly. “Exactly. That party mother was aching for me to attend. He’s like that!”

“Yes, It wouldn’t surprise if the only reason he was interested in you. Was because he gambled away his own fortune and his hoping your dowry would cover costs” I suggested floating the suggestion.

“You would have to be gullible to see him as charming.”

“He’s my nephew” Miriam said sharply.

“Well” I said biting my back my amusement, “my critique isn’t wrong. He’s obviously deeply in need for some spiritual guidiance. Perhaps you could suggest that before he becomes a pauper” I suggested diplomatically.

“Yes. Edward I quite agree. We ought to move to a different carriage perhaps?” Katherine suggested.

I nodded before we retreated and broke into a fit of laughter. It was perhaps cruel but under the circumstances it was much needed mirth. It was also the only eventful thing on our train journey to Liverpool.

Chapter 5

Liverpool - Edward

The Train journey to Liverpool was after that first encounter largely without incident. Both Katherine and I were eager to stretch our legs. Given the boat wasn’t leaving for two days we had time to prepare for the voyage. The thought of being cooped up inside a boat wasn’t exactly a reassuring idea.

“Have you planned where we’re staying?” Kitty asked.

“No. I figured we would ask, it’s only for a few nights” I commented. “I’ll hail a handsome. The Adelphi? That’s in Liverpool isn’t it?”

“Yes” Kitty said flatly.

“Then we’ll try there” I said warmly.

It didn’t take long to find a handsome who didn’t seem like a swindler. He took us straight to the Adelphi, a big white hotel with three stories. A few were strolling past with coats and nice floor length dresses.

“Get is a room. I’m not getting out unless they have one” Kitty warned.

“Why are you in such a mood” I sighed nevertheless hoping out. “Do try not to get waylaid” I said waving at her as I walked in.

It was rather grand, clearly having spent time and money to make sure, “checking in?” A porter asked approaching me.

“If there’s room yes” I replied.

He gestured over to the desk, helpfully there was and I was able to secure accommodation for two nights. Apparently as it was getting colder the hotel was on the quiet side. I booked a suite for Kitty and I to share and had the porter take our goods up.

Kitty was pretty insistent about securing our tickets, even though we’d just arrived at the hotel. But I suppose it was a sensible course, we walked down to the docks. I was keen to take in Liverpool before I left the country for good. James Baines and Co, was the name of the shipping company. I had sent them correspondence about securing a ticket, the building itself was stone and looked sturdy, with the shipping company painted on the windows. There was a line of people out the door I suspected all trying to secure passage. “Shall we join the queue?”

A young boy ran past me, instinctively I patted my pockets, concerned I’d been pick pocketed.

“Henry come back!” A warm voice called out, with a hint of nerves.

The boy stopped and turned around, blonde hair that was unwashed and simple clothes. A poorer version of what my sister and I wore as children. “Daddy!” He said suddenly, before he barrelled toward me. I stepped back instinctively as I was gripped in a tight hug.

“Err. Hello?” I questioned flinching slightly.

“I’m Henry” The boy smiled, with the kind of smile that butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. One that I’d never be swayed by.

“Right…”

“I told you officer that’s my husband.”

I turned and a woman in a nice enough dress. Brown hair tucked under a simple bonnet with a young baby in a white dress held to her hip. She waved at me, expectantly. I waved back badly hiding my confusion.

“Sister” Kitty said beaming, as she walked up to the police officer unconcerned. “Edward insisted on talking the long route. You know what he’s like. What’s going on officer?” Kitty asked playing a part I didn’t remotely understand.

“You know this woman?” The officer shiny buttons and navy uniform tying to look butch and intimidating. He came off looking more of a swot.

“Yes. She’s my sister in law” Kitty said firmly. What she was doing I had no clue. Or why for that matter. “I never imagined Ed would marry, but I couldn’t be happier.”

She sent me a pointed look and it took all my strength not to roll my eyes, as I walked over with Henry still gripping my waist for no reason. “Cora what’s going on?” I asked firmly. Choosing a name at random, I had no clue who the woman was after all. The baby in her arms started crying.

“Darling take Samuel, you settle him so well” She said handing him to me. Uncertainly I started to bounce him, I had done it years ago when my nephews were smaller. Although i loathed it then too. Confusingly Samuel seemed to settle.

“This woman is Edith Shaw. It’s been in the papers” The Policeman pressed. “Clearly frustrated.”

“I think your mistaken. This is my wife Cora Harrison” I said hoping my answer was helpful. I noticed Kitty nodding in agreement, “I hope you have better things to do than pester her?”

“Your wife sir?” The Policeman questioned. Glancing down at my hand. “No wedding ring sir?”

“No it’s back in my hotel room” I replied without hesitating.

The woman put her arm around my waist, “Look officer. This is my husband. You have me mistaken for someone else” she grabbed my chin and suddenly her lips were touching mine. Lips moving back and forth, her tongue pressed into my mouth. It felt weird, was this what kissing a woman was like. It tasted queer and honestly i definitely loathed it. I was also trying equally hard not to show it.

I pulled away, and I saw Kitty covering her mouth attempting to hide her amusement. “Does that satisfy you?” I asked the officer curtly. “Or should I attempt baby number three to prove a point?”

The officer gave us a blushing nod, “My mistake sir, if we do need to follow up?”

“We’re staying at the Adelphi hotel. I haven’t had a chance to check Cora and the boys in yet. Kitty had so much luggage we had to travel separately.” Covering my tracks in case he made enquires.

“If you see anything suspicious, do let us know” The officer said leaving us.

What felt like the longest silence, waiting for the Policeman to walk a distance away. All of us staring fixed in his direction. At a glance the Policeman had quite a nice bottom for a swot.

“Your quite a good kisser. I’m Edith” she said offering me her hand.

“Hello Edith” I smiled warmly.

“That’s the only time he’s ever kissed a girl” Kitty commented grinning.

I felt my face become very hot, “Now that’s enough. We’re in public.”

“He’s a bit of a Molly, Ed is” Kitty explained.

“Kitty” I hissed horrified.

“Oh shush. You can cope” Kitty dismissed.

I seethed silently, and felt a hand pulling at the button on my coat. I looked down and saw Samuel drooling on me, and playing with my gold buttons. “I ought to give him back I think?”

“Lil’ Sammy likes you. Your a natural” Edith said with a northern accent.

“Hardly” Kitty scoffed.

“More of a natural than me” Edith clarified. She had a look in her blue eyes, as if she’d decided something. As she took Samuel back.

“So did you really?” Kitty asked curiously.

“I did yes. He deserved it” Edith said souring.

“I’m sure he did” I answered nodding. Wondering when Edith was walking away. The line moved and we moved closer towards the shop.

“Are you going to Melbourne too?” Kitty asked.

“I’m planning too. I have the money for the boys. I’m going to secure their tickets now, and then I’ll raise money to purchase mine later” Edith explained not meeting our eye.

“Ed” Kitty said whacking my side.

“Ow? And what my dear sister?” I said narrowing my eyes at her.

“Offer to pay for her ticket.”

“Why?” I protested incredulously. “Because it’s the right thing to do. You git”

I huffed. “I will cover your trip” I muttered begrudgingly.

“And” Kitty prompted.

“And what?” I looked back at her grimacing. “I’m not a mind reader” I snapped.

“Let her stay with us” Kitty insisted.

“Oh for the….Edith would you and your sons like to stay with us for the evening. As we have accommodation booked nearby?”

“If it’s not an imposition” Edith said with an amused smile.

“It’s not” I reassured. Trying to hide my annoyance of being dragged into this nonsense. The fact that Edith murdered her husband and was clearly on the run from the Police, not helping my nerves. Along with Kitty acting like this was a lark, I was starting to regret this venture.

At least we managed to secure tickets travelling first class. I had no interest in rattling around in steerage like cattle. It did mean I had to pay for Edith and the difference for the boys to travel first class. But fine if it shut Kitty up. I couldn’t understand why she was being so ludicrously protective of this random stranger.

❧

Kitty forced me to treat everyone to dinner, it set me into a sour mood. I wasn’t particularly talkative during dinner. Although Henry was peppering me with questions, “Did I have any brothers and sisters?”

“Yes Kitty is my twin sister. And then I have an older sister and an older brother.”

“How come you don’t look the same?” Henry continued as i swallowed a piece of braised steak.

“Mhmm. Well we’re not identical we were just born at the same time” I replied, “You should eat your vegetables you know” I pointed out.

He frowned, “Mum says I should be greatful for what’s on my plate.”

“Your Mum is right” I nodded agreeing.

“The quicker you finish it, the quicker you don’t have to eat it.”

“Ed when Henry is finished, why don’t you put them to bed?” Kitty suggested waving over to a waiter. “Can we have a look at the dessert menu?”

“No offence, but these aren’t my children “ I said perhaps a little too petulantly.

“Ed don’t be a child” Kitty said biting, she reminded me of father with her attitude.

“Fine. Under protest” I warned her pointedly.

She smirked self satisfied clearly trying to bait me. I wanted to slap her, but I knew she’d overpower me.

I looked over at Daniel who looked finished. I leaned over and repositioned his cutlery, and handed him the serviette. “Wipe your face” I encouraged before looking over at Samuel who Edith had let sit in her lap, given he was a little small to be sitting At the table.