Dear Future Husband

I'm thinking about you again.

I wish I could give you my whole heart. A heart with no scratches or bruises, no fractures or splinters. I wish I could give you a heart with no hearts attached.

Just mine.

Gosh, I tried!? But there was that time that I stayed the night, the things that happened when we turned out the lights, and those months of off and on.

I could never make up my mind.

I'm sorry.

You deserve the best but this heart has a past. A stupid mistaken past.

It still breaks me today but I pray that I'm not still breaking by the time I adopt your last name.

I pray that these ropes of past relationships will snap by the time I slip on that ring.

I hope and pray that the memories don't still haunt me by the time you get on one knee.

I dread the day that I have to tell you what I've done and what's been abruptly stollen from me.

I hope and pray that someday I won't even recognize their faces.

Gosh, it hurts me just saying this.

Until God brings you to me I'm done letting myself go so easily.

I'm choosing to see myself the way He sees me.

And in that state you'll find me.

My gaze transfixed on Jesus and my past safely tucked behind me.