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The barge the beauty and the sabotage

1988

The canal boat a doggy nhs boss wears a cravet, sports jacket

Dodgy deals included farm in Yorkshire,cottage in lakes and 3 barges

My first foray into the caring community started at the back end of nineteen eighty seven, I'm guessing it was late September, as I had not long arrived home from st tropez where I had been working since February, well I say we left from st tropez, but it was actually Benidorm as myself and a couple of the boys travelled to Benidorm from st tropez (by train I might add)

just to see what work if any, was going at the end of the summer season (we were not ready to go back home at the time) unfortunately as you might have read in previous ramblings things did not go to plan on that trip, and a hasty retreat home was necessary.

Well I hadn't been home five bloody minutes before mother dear decided I had to get a job to to earn ones keep, well you could blow me down with a feather, this wasn't like my mummy, all this time I thought I was her favourite child, and here she is within a fortnight of me arriving on British soil she wanted her piece of flesh, well I say it was mother, but I'm guessing she was just the mouth piece for my step dad jimmy, ( not my favourite person on this planet) it may also have had something to do with the fact that I owe them the money they dished out to get three lost boys from London to Warrington,

As it turns out they already have a potential position marked out for me, I apparently just had to turn up sober at the interview, do a half decent job at answering the questions, and bobs your uncle the job would be mine, so a deal was struck with my parents, that if I get this job they will forgo the loan, ( well that's great, I did not realise I had to pay the pissing money back, never had to in the past) anyway I agreed but I also stipulated that I would be leaving for pastures new not long after Christmas, back to south of France one thinks,

Finally all parties are in agreement the deal is done and peace is resumed, now I just have to get past the interview.

THE INTERVIEW

Unfortunately the whole turning up sober for the interview may have gone somewhat awry,

Don't get me wrong, I did not go out drinking ahead of arriving for the interview, no I went out the evening before, which kinda turned into a late night session, with me eventually getting to bed, at day break, so with less than two hours of sleep before the interview, I'd say I was not in the best state to answer questions, but fortunately my boyish charm, cheeky smile, and drunken flirting got me through, Sally the thirty something interviewer, was smitten, and I knew it, so being still drunk, and not particularly interested in getting the post available, the gloves were off, and by the time we had finished (the interview that is) some hands on contact had livened up the interview and a date was set ( they don't do bloody interviews like that anymore I can tell you) so as you may have deduced I smashed the interview and interviewer, and would be sent a starting date by post, that is once our dalliance was concluded, yes sally was somewhat of a blackmailer, I had to sacrifice my mind body and soul to satisfy Sally's lust for a young male before the confirmation letter was posted, ( clever little thing) so within two weeks of that faithful night I started on a new path in life which stretched some thirty five plus years, (I did not see that coming)

NEWCHURCH

I walk alone down the obligatory dark long and winding road, from the village of Culcheth and head for the gates of Newchurch hospital, and when I say dark I mean fucking pitch black, I could have done with a white stick or a guide dog to get down this mile long road,

it was fucking treacherous, not a streetlight in sight, and with the thunder storm that appeared directly over head just as I turned onto this unfamiliar road, it would be safe to say that I was bricking it as I navigated my way slowly along this fucking nightmare for the best part of what felt like twenty four hours, but was actually only around fifteen minutes,

finally I arrive at the gates of what I can only describe as a Victorian prison, there was a twenty five foot wall with wrought iron gates dominating the space between the two sides of this wall which travels off to my left and right, and looks like it surrounds all of the array of buildings which lay within,

at six fifty am, I stand there dejected and soaked to the bone, just waiting there like a fucking fool in the middle of the road at the entrance of the gates of hell, I was expecting to be greeted by sally who had assured me that she would be waiting to walk me around the facilities, and introduce me to the charge nurse who I would be working under, she was nowhere to be found and I was obliged to enter the facility and find my own way to a place within these walls, and all I had was a name on a piece of paper, there was a moment I thought fuck it I don't need this shit, and I actually turned around to leave, and as I did this, lightning galloped across the skyline, illuminating the darkness, and the rain got even heavier, and just looking at the road ahead that I had just travelled up had me turning back on my heels and legging it to the nearest building,

now the nearest building was a lock down unit called caldron, and of course I had no idea of this until I entered the building, but I would never forget the sound of demons, violence and crying, nor the smell of vomit shit and bleach, and thank god I only made it to the reception area as the rest of the doors off of this reception area were barred and locked, with no way of getting any further in but also fortunately for me there was no way anyone is getting out either, I spot the buzzer on the right of the only door that was not barred, it was a wooden panelled type thing which threw open the instant I pressed the buzzer, and stood there in front of me was Danny de Vito (movie star of the 80s&90s) well it was certainly his doppelgänger, this guy was maybe five foot two, balding on top, but bushy hair on the sides he had black beadie eyes and wore a crumple black suit and tie, his look reminded me not of someone who had just come from a funeral, but of someone who dragged themselves from the coffin and left their own funeral, he quickly introduced himself as the superintendent of this establishment, he gave no name, and I did not ask and neither did I give my name, and as I had no idea what the fuck a superintendent was, or how superior he was to me, I just handed him the now soggy piece of paper I still held tightly in my hand, he took the paper gingerly between his fore finger and thumb, he glanced at it then looked me up and down with I'd say a scowl, but it just as easily could have been a smile, he nodded his head forward in the manner of an order that I should follow him, a couple of steps and I'm back outside,

surprisingly it had stopped raining, daylight had arrived and the sun was high in a clear blue sky, the superintendent pointed, my eyes followed his finger and they arrived at the first building, a very large semidetached Victorian style house at the head of many houses, that circled a large area arranged around an oval driveway, in the shape of a horseshoe, with these identical houses on both sides, like a little hamlet in the country side, I turned to thank the little man, but he had gone, the door was shut and my note lay at the base of the doorway dissolving in a poodle of water.

SALLY NO SHOW

I never saw sally the interviewer again, but I did see sally my superior occasionally, just in passing,

but she never really spoke to me, I figured she'd had her wicked way with me, gave me a job, and now we were quits, which was fair do's, I'll take that, and six months into my tenure I was getting itchy feet, and was ready to move back to the south of France,

don't get me wrong the wage was great, and I had started to get use to the income,

I was living at mothers and paid minimal rent, so I should have been happy to have joined the status quo,

the only problem I had was the actual job I was employed to do,

The place was more like a prison than a hospital,

looking from the out side, the place looked so idyllic, a paradise for people with learning disabilities, but once you peel back the layers and step inside, you can see the cancer that throbs away inside, the accepted practices of the time of the staff were somewhat medieval for my young eyes, I found it difficult to stand in the communal bathroom with a razor in hand shaving the men one by one as they were shunted along by the white coats, (state enrolled nurses, or the Gestapo for short) it was just a fucking conveyor belt of naked men, and they were then pushed along to the next staff to be washed and to get their teeth scrubbed, well those who had teeth, most had all teeth removed as a convenience, to save on fucking dental care , would you believe, others had teeth removed to stop them biting, again all this would be achieved with the same toothbrush and face cloth, the next stage for these poor men would be to collect clothes from the wardrobe department which was situated right next to the padded cell, which seemed to be used on a regular basis, ones dressed next for these men would be bed inspection, and of course there was not individual bedrooms, it was one long dormitory with twenty two bed and a bed side closet, and once the white coats were happy with the condition of the dormitory all would be shunted to the dining room for breakfast, now breakfast came on a trolly from he main kitchens on site, as did all meals , there was no choice, whatever was put on your plate you ate or you would fucking starve until the next meal, so you can imagine pretty much everything was cleared from those plates as soon as it was placed in front of the men, it was not a pretty sight,

and of course this was also the time the drugs were dished out,and this job was the responsibility of the white coats,

the trolley would be stationed at the exit of the dining room and as the men were moved to the communal area they would take their medicine, whether they wanted it or not, and except for the chosen few who would have work details around the hospital, the men would sit around the wall of the communal area comatose, waiting for the next meal and bed,

and on a regular basis one or another would kick right off and fights would erupt around the place, scary times, so not only were the men basically locked up twenty four seven, we the staff were initially locked up for the entire shift too,

now on the plus side to the job there was a hell of a lot of sexy hot nurses scattered around the place, and this was like a magnet to me, and this is what kept me there for as long as I did, but even this was starting to wane, and my feet began to ich, so a strategy was put together in my head, once I have secured a date with lovely Tina I would call time on my foray into health care. And there you have it France was beckoning for a second year in a row, but of course as you may or may not know this never materialised.

THE COMMUNITY BECKONS

A date with Tina was secured as we traveled on the back seat of the Warrington bound bus, it was one evening after a late shift together, we chatted and giggled like school kids until it was her stop, but before the bus stopped she lay one on me, the best snog of my entire life so far, and the reaction in my pants was immediate, Tina notice the bulge right of that bat,and left the bus giggling, I'm sure this was her intention,

and for the rest of my journey home I had my coat lay across my lap,

the next day I was on a morning shift, and while on the ward a new face was chatting to the charge nurse, he was a older gentleman and a tweed jacket wearer buttoned up shirt and tie, black trousers and the obligatory white coat opened, always opened, he was looking in my direction, and he then pointed to me and the lady he was chatting with also looked at me, I of course reddened in the face and tried to work out quickly what I had fucked up, and then they started to approach me,