When Did Chickens Start Laying Cigarettes

Just how many times in life, especially as a child have we done things we knew were wrong even before we started? Then we tried to outwit everyone, especially our parents. If we could only realize early in life that we are going to be caught, and the consequences are rarely worth the risk. My mom once relayed a story to me about her first and only attempt to become a smoker.

Consider for a moment that my mom grew up during World War II and became a teenager a few years afterwards. Those were exciting times and everybody wanted to smoke cigarettes, because every movie and advertisement promoted the coolness of smoking. As a result, smoking was a lot more socially acceptable than it is now, unless you were a girl in a small rural community.

My grandfather raised tobacco, and was a smoker himself. Many times, I saw him try to give up smoking only to resume repeatedly. However, like most parents he still wanted to protect his children, and prevent them from picking up the habit. Just like many kids, Momma wanted to try it out for herself, and of course, she found the perfect hiding spot for her pack of cigarettes. At least she thought so.

On the side of the old smoke house on my grandparents farm there was a hen house. Inside there were rows of nests on one wall for the hens to lay their eggs in. Each nest contained straw to make a soft place for the hens, and since the straw was thick, surely it would make a great hiding place. However, like most things we try to hide, she failed.

Every morning my grandmother would walk across the back of the property to that old hen house. She would then proceed to go inside and check each nest for a new supply of freshly laid eggs. Many mornings I remember going with her when I was younger. I also can recall trying to remove the eggs myself from under a hen who was trying to hatch them, an experience I am likely never to forget. If you ever had a little brother or sister, and you wanted to get even with them, you can trust me it is the perfect set-up. Mama hens or ones about to become mamas can be very protective.

However, on this day my grandmother found the strangest egg ever created. It was a rectangular shape, and instead of a yolk inside, there were perfect little white cylinders containing tobacco. Strangely, this egg looked a lot like a pack of cigarettes. Apparently, she also had a suspicion whose they were. What really was amazing is that she never said a word about it to my mom. Instead, she did what many of our moms have done, she told my grandfather.

You can just imagine how the rest of the story went. Think about a woodshed for a moment and you will get the picture. Most of us can fully relate to that part.

The best part of the story to me was when my grandfather looked at her with a serious face, and asked the following question. “When did the chickens start laying cigarettes?” Knowing my grandfather, I can really picture the seriousness of his questioning, and what proceeded afterwards.

Now there could be many different stories and lessons that one could create using this story and some of them could be very comical. Nevertheless, for me it just reinforces the facts of that old saying “what you do in the dark will come to light”. Maybe that is why my mom always has told me to “be sure my sins would find me out”. It seems they always do. In addition, who would have ever thought that a bunch of cackling chickens could get one in so much trouble? On a lighter note, another moral to this story could be never trust your secrets to a hen party. I really am kidding about that one, but could not resist.