Hotdogs and Bricks

When I was ten my grandmother had two dogs

She always said how much she hated them and what a tumor they were on her life

But still every night she would heat them up a hotdog to eat

When I was ten my mother left my father

I remember going to the court house to say who I wanted to spent my life with

After hours of waiting she came out kissed my cheek and told me how much she loved me

I never said a word to anyone

When I was thirteen I got off the school bus to my dad on the edge of the road

He walked with me as he told me my grandmother's dogs had been killed

A pack of bigger dogs came by and she couldn't stop them

When I saw her she tried to mask her tears with anger

When I was thirteen my father sat me down to talk about my mother

He reminded me of the court house from three years back

As I listened he explained why I never was able to voice my opinion

He told me how she fought for the vehicles and the money

But never

For me

My grandmother hated every animal she saw after that winter

She would wave her broom at passing cats

And scream back at barking dogs

And she didn't buy hotdogs anymore

I never let anyone too close after that winter

Always wanting more but never letting myself have it

Pleading for relationships but as soon as one comes my way

I would simply step to the side

I built a wall brick by brick

Until eventually the phrase "emotionally unavailable" became plastered across my forehead

When I was eighteen a cat stumbled across my grandmother's little brick house

He didn't mind the strikes from her broom

And he enjoyed her warm porch and constant company

She started to complain about how much she hated him and what a tumor he was on her life

But she stopped waving her broom

When I was eighteen a boy asked me to come pick him up

Our friendship blossomed like a flower gasping in the sunlight after a downpour

He didn't seem to be able to read the warning label on my face

So I decided to stand still for once in my life

That summer my grandmother started feeding the cat hotdogs

And I started to remove bricks