21The kidnapping

21

A kidnapping

the intimidation,

&

a blind dead cat,

Featuring :- Thomas and the yellow tank top

1992

The band:- The Shamen

The song:- Ebeneezer Goode

The band:- Ten Sharp

The Song:- You

The band:- Crowded House

The song:- Weather With You

The band:-Shakespeare’s sister

The song:- stay

Never get in a car with a stranger, and never get in a car with your lodger, one who you have always consider a friend, a simple analogy that I of course did not follow myself, and so I went head long into a journey that took me down the path of the dark murky and dangerous world of drugs, drug pushers, drug barons racketeers, and the mafia, well that’s how it seemed to me at the time but on later reflection I may have been exaggerating a little,

May 92

THE MASSACRE

I was introduced to Lee by our kid, and within weeks I was persuaded to take on a new lodger, Lee was a great lad of twenty three, softly spoken and who never seemed short of money, and he was very generous with it too,

but that was probably due to the fact that he ran his own mobile phone business, he had a partner in the business but that was all I really new about it,

and with the year being nineteen ninety two, this was the business to be in, as the mobile phone was the new kid on the block, and that business was about to take off big time,

(I myself would not purchase my first mobile untill nineteen ninety nine, the first pay ad you go)

and what a fucking mistake that was, and has been ever since, who fucking knew at the time your missus could get in touch with you instantly, no fucking hiding place for you boy! no quick pint after work, no forgetting the time because she sure would not,

one minute late and you’d hear the sound, yes brrr brrrr fucking brrrr, maybe that’s why I always seemed to had commitment issues? yes I shall always blame the mobile.

and the mobile, yes the mobile left me lonely paranoid and childless for many a year,

without the invention of the mobile phone, men’s lives would have been completely different, I’m sure,

anyway, It was a Friday afternoon

the weather was scorchio, and the plan for Lee and I was a takeaway then drinks at the local,

but before I got the chance to eat, the news coming out of the new upper class estate, built recently along the Manchester ship canal, and just minutes away from my front door was that there had been some sort of bloody massacre, featuring knives machetes and baseball bats,

on hearing the news, Lee went white as a an angel which he was fucking not and never would be,

so I knew there and then something was amiss, especially when he dropped the curry he’d just picked up for us both all over the lounge carpet and rug, funny how much curry you get in a takeout carton especially when it’s dropped from shoulder height, and it sure can spread with speed as well (I was so fucking hungry at that moment and it was such a waste of a great curry)

you’ll not be surprised Lee received this news by mobile phone,

soon as he hung up he was off like a jack rabbit, hurdling the steaming pile of curry he’d left soaking into my cream rug, and out the front door,

I was after him within seconds wondering if I could salvage some of that curry later while legging it up Parr street and into the new riverside estate, and what a stunning estate it was, full of gorgeous spacious detached houses, of course there was one house that was the exception,

and this one stood out from the others, noticeable because there was no front window anymore, and the other obvious alteration was the door, it was hanging to one side by just one solitary hinge,

oh and let’s not forget the bloodied body sat hunched over vomiting into the rose bush that was the main feature of a well groomed garden,

a quick rekkie of the front room through the new open planned style frontage told me everything I needed to know, and that was I should not be anywhere near this fucking place and within seconds I was not, I was on my toes, and was in the howley pub with Lee discussing what may have occurred in the sleepy riverside estate.

well for a start

the house was trashed and another body was sat bloodied with slashes to the face and hands, he sat watching an imagery tv, the real tv was in bits on the front lawn with most of the house’s other possessions,

Lee let me in on his little secret, apparently the two men were, (sorry are, they suffered many injuries but all superficial , a message was sent on that day one thinks) his business partner and associate of there firm,

Lee seemed to think this was the actions of a jealous rival mobile phone company,

I suggested that it seemed a touc heavy handed for a bit of mobile phone rivalry

July 92

THE KIDNAPPING

Eight weeks had passed since the riverside attack, and all was at peace, Lee seemed more chilled and was back to his fun filled self,

the world was still spinning and the summer partying was now in full swing,

and on that note, there was just the party I fancied going to,

It was just on the other side of town and Lee had promised to drop me off as he was heading out himself to do a few errands,

The promise of a lift had the catch of a little diversion attached to it before the party start time, which was fine with me, it saved on two bus journeys, and a ten minute walk in the rain, which would not bold well with my attire,

and you never want to be the first to a party anyway do you,

we set of with a promise from Lee that he would get me to the party in plenty of time,

but first he had to pick up a mate who also needed a lift,

I was spread across the seats in the back of Lee’s BMW knocking back my fourth can of strongbow that evening, and listening to the silky tunes coming out of the CD player, when I realised that maybe we should be getting a move on to the party pretty soon,

I also realised at the same time (when I bothered a look out of the back side window) that we were coming off a motorway at a place called mold in fucking Wales,

Well you will understand that my thoughts straight away were that of being kidnapped and trafficked to a bunch of political types holding Court in a different country, ( I have a vivid imagination)

so you can imagine that my senses were turned up to high alert status almost immediately.

My arse was twitching and was about to go into anus dilation and my heart I suspected was about to fucking explode from my chest,

and this was all because I had decided to question in my head how I got hear in Wales, which was pretty fucking dam obvious, but of course I had to actually put the question to Lee, which was “What the fuck are we doing in fucking Wales” this question was more of a scream from the back of his BMW which seemed to be coming to a stand still down some bleak dark dirt track of a road, Lee calmly replied

matter of fact like,

“ we are just picking up some drugs and your here just as back up, your just a face, so you just need to get out of the car and stand there with the door open and look fucking menacing!

Now have you seen me! for fuck sake, I’m five ft seven and three quarters tall, blonde shoulder length hair with blue eyes, and an effeminate look,

infact I’m the totally opposite of menacing, I think I would probably get shagged rather than shot in this situation, I can just see the headlines now!

Gangland slaying, two dead of gun shots one found shagged to death wearing a big fucking smile on his face,

Well I stood there on jelly legs propping myself up on the back door of the BMW when headlights approached us from the other direction, well that’s when I pissed myself and ❤️❤️vomited through my nose, I also threw myself on to the back seat of the BMW with my hands over me head in surrender, while screaming lalalalala, (that always helps in risky situations I’m sure I’ve read somewhere)

at this point I think I may have past out,

When I awoke Lee and his mate were in fits of laughter while I lay there on the back seat in my own piss, and there was a crust developing around my lips where the vomit had dried,

I eventually sat up to the sound of sirens, and the car was travelling at a speed of easily one hundred miles per hour, well this was the time the Pooh decided to rear its ugly little head in the form of a very big wet fart, “Jesus Christ” I screamed “let me out of this fuckin nightmare please” Lee pulled over and minutes later the sirens drifted away in to the ether, where upon Lee turned to me with tears in his eyes and snot running down from his nose, he pointed (as words alluded him at that moment) to let me know we had arrived at my venue of choice,

he then apologised for the speed but he did promised to get me here on time, and after my body came back to life I stepped out of that car for some air,

and without saying a word Lee sped off as quickly as he arrived, leaving me stood in front of a group of hot female aqaintances, stinking of piss, humming of shit, I had large stains visible at the front and back of my trousers and a crusty fuckin gob with the breath of a fishmongers crotch, I smiled to the girls, turned and walked away, because if any girl wanted me in that state she wasn’t the girl for me.

September 92

JAIL TIME

We never spoke of the incident that occurred in July of nineteen ninety two,

and no explanation from Lee was forth coming, but what I do know is at this moment in time he is residing at her majesty’s pleasure on drug offences, and before he was taken away he left me as his guardian of sorts,

he had deposited a large some of money into an account in my name that I alone could withdraw from,

he had also signed his pride and joy of a car over to me,

all this was on the understanding for me to keep it all safe for when he gets out of prison,

and that’s where it all gets a little complicated, Lee did not get out of prison after his trial and would not be for a couple of years and I’m left holding the proverbial baby so to speak.

you see all along Lee had been spinning me a colossal lie, it came to pass that Lee’s wealth was not from a thriving mobile phone business, (you could be forgiven into thinking I was a little naive after the house attack and kidnapping, but in my defence I chose not to ask questions and just take the odd freebie’s from Lee)

no the phone business was just a front, maybe a fruitfull one but all the same a front for drugs and money laundering, and after the machete raid some months previously, apparently everything went tits up,

with Lee’s partner and associate being arrested and both determined to save there selves by talking to the police about anything and everything they new about the drugs trade in the north,

which wasn’t very much because apparently they were small fry only getting into the dodgy business after being made redundant from their jobs, and they used their redundancy money to set up the mobile shop, and things just spiralled out of control from there (now the funny thing is the proverbial mobile phone took off like a fucking rocket and they would have made a fucking fortune if they’d stayed legit, such knob eads) and while squealing like babies to the cops they were at the same time were throwing Lee to the wolves.

October 92

Monday 5th

THOMAS THE TANK TOP

It started with a visit by a stranger,

a funny looking creature, but he had an aura of don’t fuck with me about him,

he was around 5ft 6 in height and around 6ft wide,

he had blond hair in a nerdy styled right sided parting, slicked right to left across his

10 inch forehead,

on our first meeting he wore a fetching yellow tank top, over a purple shirt fastened up to the fat neck that blended right into his head like a fucking tree trunk, he looked so fuckin scary

I think I let out a little pee because my inner thighs turned moist as he spoke his fist words ta me,

“Mr Taylor, we have a mutual acquaintance residing in strangeways, at this very moment “ I smiled, I nodded at the right times, but found it hard not to crease up in stitches, as the lisp he had made him sound like fucking Donald Duck on helium,

but I resisted and held on to the door frame for dear life, knowing a serious injury could be but a second away, so I clenched my body tight so as not to look like I noticed his vocal range,

but I could not help the tears roll down my cheeks, and I think these were taken as tears of sadness for are detained acquaintance,

so I played the grieving friend to the best of my ability, unfortunately I fear this new found acquaintance had little to no emotions as he just ploughed on with his shpeel about Lee, while inviting himself in making a cup of tea and invited me to sit on my own fuckin settee in my own fucking house, cheeky bastard,

Some thirty minutes later the man now known as Thomas was gone,

and on reflection I was now left feeling psychologically raped and very intimidated,

So basically in a none threatening monotoned speech I was advised to sign over all of Lee’s assets, as Lee himself had decided he wanted Thomas the dick head, to have control of them, which was in total contradiction to Lee’s wishes when I visited him the day before,

so a dilemma had emerged. And a deadline given,

I had only two weeks before Thomas would be back around for all documentation, bank accounts and of course the car, this was very generous of the fellow, as I had made no promises to any of this, in fact I had said fuck all at our one and only meeting, so why would he think I would comply,

well three days after the mystery visit, I came home from work to find there was a huge space where my garage door use to be, exposing the multi gym I had inside, ( this was just to fill the space because I never fuckin used it)

now attached to the said gym was next doors cat, it was strung up from the cross bars by its neck and it seemed to be missing its eyes, it wasn’t my favourite cat as it goes, it had a habit of finding it’s way into my house and pissing everywhere, come to think of it, the moggy was hanging around the day Tommy the tank top called with his ultimatum, (obviously not hanging the way it was when I found it)

Sunday 11th

The police arrived early in the guise of a beautiful brunette she was around my age but looked a lot younger, and of course she carried her uniform oh so well,

she arrived to take down my particulars, as I had requested a visit through the emergency number 999, the reason for this was a second incident,

it was Sunday lunchtime on the 11th and I arrived home that morning from the night before, it had been a very productive Saturday night out, and ended with a sleep over at a very pleasant girls place, well I say sleep it was anything but, (she was a nurse and had a very big appetite for sex drugs and rock n roll, suffice to say we partied hard till the early hours at the nurses accommodation,) anyway I noticed as soon as I arrived home that I had been burgled, this was because my keys became were useless to me, due to the fact some one had stolen my fucking front door, and on a closer inspection, I’d found that other items were gone,

not to mention my prized guitar, which was only purchased the previous week and was on display in the lounge, and yes you guessed it, that was where Thomas the twat had placed himself for the informal chat he insisted on.

On the seventeenth of October around One in the Morning, just six days after the burglary

the house was alive with police, all but one I suspect, she was hiding under my duvet up in my bedroom, Donna and I ( the pc who was the officer working my burglary) were having some down time after a date night then drinks back at mine with friends,

and by midnight the house had gone m to sleep, but soon a mate who was crashing on the sofa in the front lounge, (a mistake on his behalf one thinks) ended up on the wrong side of a beating, when the house was once again broken into and the front room was trashed along with my good friend Nigel, but worst of all about this house intrusion was that me hi tech state of the art bang and Olufsen sound system took the worst of the beatings, (ok Nige I know, but you will recover, music died that night

and Mr bang does come first, )

so unfortunately he did not survive, vinyl was never the same due to the arm on the turn table being ripped from its socket, the CD player just would not fucking open ( not sure if it was to scared to come out to play)

and the buzzing from the left speaker was too fucking annoying, while the right speaker was completely dead, god rest it’s sole, so all in all my very expensive music sensation could only play the radio and only fucking radio two at that, ( a great station now, but in nineteen ninety two I’m was not so sure)

Statements were taken, and arrests were imminent, but nobody would take the death of bang and olufsen seriously, (god dam jobs worth’s )

1993

Several months had past, and life was going on swimmingly, but unfortunately there was a court case to be heard, and my mate Nige was the star witness and was determined to bring the culprits to justice,

but for me, we’ll i was still on party mode and had subconsciously wiped the incidents from my mind,

that was until I was walking towards my house and noticed the two suited and booted geezers on my doorstep, and as you do you walk straight past your own home to your mates house several doors down, Andy was a top mate, he suggested we regroup in the pub, so we piled into his car with Elaine driving (his wife) and proceeded to drive past my house, which should be a simple act you do, unless you are with my mates, because fucking beeping your horn and waving, with me in the back seat shaking my head is definitely not the way tout run the police,

Two days had past, and I was understandably sick of shitting into my boxers, so I walked into the local cop shop to what I thought was turning myself in,

but in fact what was waiting was a summons to appear in court as a witness at the trial of the century,

Another day in 93

I stood there in the witness box, I’ve no idea who’s been before me or who was to come after,

all I new at that moment was I had to answer one simple question and that was can you point to the person who is knownto you as Thomas,

and there I was standing in a fucking wooden box levitated above all of the court, with the accused and all of the rest of the good bad and ugly looking on at me to see where my finger of fate rested,

so with the beads of sweat dripping like a leaky tap down my milky forehead, and my guts rumbling like a volcano about to erupt, I pointed,

yes i pointed with what I would say was a limp finger, but in the direction of the freaky fellow that sat just in front of my direct eye line and said that it was him , and him looked at me,

and then and there I decided it would be a great idea to emigrate once I leave the courthouse,

I left that courthouse much happier than others did, ( many years were handed out)

So I was on my way home,

while the bad guys left for their extended holidays,

care of the jurisdiction system, for some years and some distance from me,

the only problem I had now, was how to recoup some of the cash I accidentally borrowed from Lee, (of course he does not know this, as I would not want to worry him, he does after all have other worries,)

and how do I explain how I accidentally sold his car?

Christmas 94

What I great Christmas, I bought loads of presents.

I wonder what 95 will bring?