Repetition

i've always been intimidated by words

such as:

forever.

always.

never.

because these are promise words.

promises that were meant to be broken.

"i want this to last forever"

"i will always be there."

"i will never leave you."

and due to my current relationship status

these statements aren't factual.

it is said that when a word is repeated over and over and over again it loses its meaning

apple

sounds weird now almost like its not the fruit it initially was

so when you said

i love you

AND

i'm sorry

AND

it wont happen again

again

it lost its meaning

and i lost feelings

and i stopped believing

and i'm still questioning if you ever did

and wondering how you could've

because when you love them someone you don't treat them bad

and you would always try to turn it on me

so on monday i would say "i love you"

and tuesday "i'm sorry"

by wednesday it would be "it wont happen again"

but then on thursday it was "i'm sorry, i love you"

and on friday i realized "it would never happen again"

because every saturday night i gave you too much, more than you ever deserved

and on sunday mornings my skin would crawl because the sermon was on self-respect and self-value which WAS something i lacked

because i built you up

and you tore me down

well back then thats how it seemed

but in total actuality

you showed me what it was

to lose yourself

to forget to love yourself first

to know when enough is enough

and when someone hurts you let them go.

you taught me a lesson i needed to know

and i learned it the hard way

but because of you i see life

in and a new light

and i now live a life

that i could get used to

and for that,

i thank you.