Alfie Boe...Oh No!!!

Hmm...so it would appear that Alfie ‘Poundland Pavarotti’ Boe has been cheating on his wife of 16 years with a “fashion blogger” and “Instagram influencer”, (we’ll come back to that in a bit!) Unsurprisingly, the scarlet woman is some 20 odd years his junior, how shocking! Well, not quite the ‘housewives choice’ now are we Boe?! Far from being the chunky affable warbler, he has shown his true colours by not only letting his overinflated ego getting the better of him but by also allowing his tiny DICK do the talking, (all fatties have chipolatas in their keks, FACT...I know...ok?!)

They say the devil is in the detail and what’s amusing about this story are some of those inconsequential paragraph fillers. Take for example the fact that Boe originally signed up to “an A-List dating app”.....yeah, you read that correctly, A-List! He’s from bleeding Blackpool for Christ’s sake! Who in their right mind would swipe right on that bearded porker if it was a toss up between him and say the world renowned...Alan Titchmarsh?! (another bloke with a small NOB I might add) I’d go full on asexual before it came to that...although there would be precious little difference in lifestyle choice given the wretched circumstances we are currently enduring. It’s sure as hell making me LES MISÉRABLES!!!

Another humorous titbit of information was regarding the mistress herself. Apparently she’s something of a name on Social Media with a decent amount of followers on Instagram. I would take issue though with the exact nature of her supposed lucrative online career. She regularly posts photos of herself in skimpy lingerie in various poses out and about or in her palatial, open-plan, grey-hued ‘damask velveted’ home. The problem is that I’m struggling to make the connection between basically taking a shitload of selfies each and every day, posting them on Instagram and then somehow this results in raking in the cash?! How is this being a “fashion blogger / Instagram influencer”?! Can someone please tell me how viewing copious enhanced photos of some vacuous, half naked, imbecilic TROLLOP is meant to influence me or impart any kind of fashion advice?! Help me out here...yeah?!

The way I see it is that if you’re young, attractive, well appointed with little in the way to hinder you then you’re already laughing. More makes more as the saying goes. I find this whole ‘Influencer’ schtick is actually complete bollocks because all of these people look exactly the same, have the same interests, have the same fashion and interior design tastes, attend the same events, appear on the same God-awful ‘reality’ shows, use the same management team, go to the same holiday destinations, promote the same stupid tat or latest fad, date the same people, have nothing of any interest nor profundity to say...and the list goes on!

This post has taken a diversion but the point is that it’s a sad, SAD world when celebrities offer so little in the way of cerebral inspiration and stimulation. Behind the beautiful facade lies a disappointing lack of originality, intelligence and authenticity. We are all different and that’s to our advantage! We need to slow the relentless conditioning and fixation with being empty-headed, cookie cutter clones! Do something outside of your comfort zone. Be rebellious. Listen to those who are speaking their honest truth. Look to those who are passionate about a worthy cause. Try a new hobby or pastime. Stop complying. Question everything. Fight injustice and inequality. Be alternative. Support those in need. Learn new skills. Get involved in your community. Read books and articles on controversial subjects. Be fearless. Spend time with those who have different lifestyles and beliefs. Try new things and discover who you really are.

We are all individuals, we are all unique in our collective diversity and that is to be celebrated, cultivated and cherished.

...and Alfie Boe should thank his lucky stars he can do a more than adequate Jean Valjean impersonation. If he sounded like those clowns in Mamma Mia he’d be shovelling dog shit off Central Pier for minimum wage!