Viva La Vida

I'm not sure what's going on in my life but I feel like I've disappeared. Vanished off the face of the earth. There's an overwhelming sense of inertia and pointlessness about existence at the moment and I'm unsure as to where this is emanating from. There's a potent sense that enjoyment, 'joie de vivre' and contribution to a notion of hedonistic pleasure has taken a downturn.

The feeling of all encompassing invisibility is felt by those experiencing disabled people and in particular, those with severe health problems. Difficult personal circumstances means that achieving the goal of being active and present in the course of life is taxing to say the least. Most of the time it's unachievable. Loneliness and solitude become your closest companions.

As a counter to this sense of alienation, you could argue that Social Media is a great vehicle to access the world that is so out of reach physically. Sadly, this is yet another canard of the modern age. It's all very well adding people on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter etc but from my personal experience, it cannot compensate for a true, physical connection. If anything, it holds up a mirror to the deeply entrenched prejudices and discriminations that exist within us. Messaging someone when you're not guaranteed a reply back is felt ever so much more tangibly for those who are socially isolated. I've lost count of the messages I've sent recently only to be blindly ignored for the reason that I can only surmise is to do with my impairment and age...perhaps? Of course, it's a 50/50 chance whether they even accept you on friendly terms on any Social Media platform to start with. Compatibility, companionship and kinship are unattainable, or at the very least, tiresome to maintain.

That's why disabled people are always living the experience of life many steps behind those of those who are physically free from toil. That's not to say people's lives must reflect a particular construct of 'normality', but there is a discernible difference between those who have and those who have not. Therefore, it's easy to understand why individuals whose circumstances prevent them from achieving a semblance of participation can simply drop off the radar. Sociability attracts friendships, attention and enhances one's mood and self-esteem. If you're able to get out, meet people, converse with those of likeminded persuasion...you've got it made.

Whatever holds you back, whether it be physical, mental or circumstantial difficulties, there's no easy solution. Being in perpetual social limbo is uncomfortable and painful. Not least when you're disregarded via other forms of contact like Social Media. It feels like an endless cycle of rejection followed by disappointment and depression.

There's no real purpose to this post other than to reflect how I feel at the moment. I'm hoping this is merely a phase and that things will be on the up for me, and likewise, for those who are also suffering from the feelings of issue of isolation and invisibility.