The Dating Game

To quote Morrissey, the Bard of Manchester, I'm getting 'Nowhere Fast' with this online dating malarkey, so I'm trying a new tactic. After perusing the lonely hearts column of 'Accountancy, Economics & Spectacle Wearers Monthly', I think I might be in with a sporting chance...

Sebastian from Middlesex is an Accountant with a speciality in SAGE software and enjoys coach spotting, am-dram and choral singing on a Wednesday night!

Christian from Bristol lives up to his name by volunteering in his local Anglican church whilst enjoying fashioning bygone locomotives from matchsticks and clingfilm!

Arthur in Hertfordshire loves spreadsheets so much he often takes his work home with him and sometimes stays up until the unearthly hour of 10pm on an auditing frenzy! He also enjoys playing his Bontempi organ for his Mother's elderly chums!

Rupert in Reading lectures in Economics and also intersperses his work with frequenting folk gigs, taking part in Bosworth Field reenactments and collecting paisley ties!

Howard from Dulwich is SO incredibly myopic, he's constantly plagued by letters from Jodrell Bank asking if they can use the lenses from his glasses in their new telescope! Needless to say, he's thinking of cashing in and having laser eye surgery!

Tristan in Kent is something of a sartorial connoisseur! He likes to don the classic look of a rural/hipster gent by teaming a fairisle cardigan with a Victorian moustache and brown, corduroy slacks, before stepping out for an evening soireé at a Kathleen Ferrier tribute recital!

Edward in Nottingham likes to hand paint Dungeons & Dragons characters along with keeping an up to date inventory of his rare stamp collection. He's also partial to attending sci-fi conventions!

Finally Norman in Wiltshire works in a pharmaceutical laboratory and his hobbies include cartography, disassembling Commodore computers and wanking over vintage episodes of Doctor Who during the Patrick Troughton era!

Terrific opportunities I think you'll all agree?

On second thoughts, I may not delete Tinder after all! ;-)