Forever Alone!

One of the saddest things I've discovered about being disabled isn't necessarily the lack of ability or opportunity to find a loving partner, it's the inability to forge and maintain lasting friendships.

I discovered this from a young age. Not being able to go out and about to mates houses, hang around with them and enjoy their company. Even when I was sixteen and had 'friends' at Sixth Form College, quite a few would change the subject when I posed the idea of going shopping together. They were obviously quite happy to converse in the secretive, closed off confines of an educational establishment but in the real world, no thanks!

Nothing changes it would seem, even on Social Media. The stigma of having a 'cripple' on your friends list exists even today. When Facebook scans my contact list and comes up with a plethora of people whom you haven't already added, very few accept the invitation to become 'Facebook friends'.

I've even found it amongst those whom I happily chat to on other platforms. When Facebook picks up these contacts, once more, it's as if you're invisible. Almost as if Facebook is the proverbial 'Holy Grail' of Social Media. An open window whereby everyone can see whom you're acquainted with. God forbid anyone should discover they're friends with a disabled person.

One of the most telling occurrences of this phenomenon happened on Twitter of all places. I was having a discussion with some woman who was researching, (ironically), the lack of disabled people within the media. A friend of mine became involved who was non-disabled but we sang from the same hymn sheet in terms of beliefs. The woman didn't follow me on Twitter, she ended up following my friend instead.

Why? Why are disabled people still treated like social lepers in this day and age? All I can surmise is that like racism, homophobia etc. Disablism is so deeply entrenched within the human psyche that it's almost impossible to be eradicated. When you combine this with the individual battling health/mobility issues, difficult living circumstances and lack of support/money, the task is akin to climbing Mount Everest, naked and with one arm missing.

Maybe I'm unlucky with those who aren't disabled? Who knows, maybe there's something wrong with me? I do know that the disabled community do seem to favour the company of likeminded people. Those whom can relate to their situation, aren't judgemental and ultimately, are thus protected from the sneers and abuse from an unkind society. Surely inclusivity is a better option though?

I can't offer a change or solution, just desperation at how the world works. Maybe the whole point is that non-disabled people need to get over themselves and realise THEY could become disabled at any time in their lives. So why not suck up your prejudices and befriend those of us who are different?

As Morrissey would say, "Don't feel so ashamed to have friends".

With any luck, you might just learn a thing or two about REAL life!