2017 - A Year In Review

There are certain years you remember for good or bad reasons. I turned 21 in 1997 and that was the same year my Nanna died, just over a week before my birthday. It was no happy coincidence that 20 years later my Dad died, just one week short of his 75th birthday. Granted he'd been ill for many years but had the constitution of an ox, so it came somewhat unexpectedly that he finally succumbed to his failing health. It's strange being part of a 'one parent' club, almost as though your own history is disappearing. Reminding you that there's just one more person to lose, and the ever looming fear of when that happens. So in that respect, the overwhelming feeling is that it was a sad and reflective year.

Health wise the past has seen something of a resurgence of my anxiety and depression issues. An unfavourable change of medication earlier on in the coupled with residual bereavement led to panic attacks and severe anxiety during the summer months. Fortunately, weaning myself off the problematic tablets onto something more suitable has proved to be effective, although I'm still getting used to them. In general, I think everyone is more on edge nowadays with the turbulence of world events and appalling terrorist incidents we've had this past year.

There have been some bright moments. I finally met the political hero of the hour Jeremy Corbyn in early February. He was wonderful and lived up to expectation, although the election didn't go in Labour's favour sadly. Surprisingly, I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my carer Dawn's wedding in 2018 so that's all very exciting and it was an honour to accept the request. Our holiday to Blackpool in September was great fun and despite the cold and wind, we managed to visit a lot of places, along with catching up with an old friend of mine. The innumerable shopping trips have been amazingly fun-filled too!

Solitude continues to be a close companion. Whilst I agree that I am something of a "marmite" character, I just don't think the Gods are in my favour when it comes to friendship. Ironically, I studied the concept of friendship for young people for my University dissertation. Not that it's stood me in good stead. One very good friend I used to talk regularly with suddenly ceased all communication with me in February. No reason was given, we hadn't fallen out and there was no incident to hinge the disappearance on. Very curious indeed. All I can surmise is that as he too had health problems, coupled with social isolation and depression, he has simply taken the decision to withdraw from Social Media and contact with friends. He had begun to distance himself from his own family too. I did observe that he had become very much against liberalism and hostile towards those wanting social justice. Maybe because I'm a die hard Lefty, he thought I was a lost cause? The concept of 'net death' is odd. You're left entirely in the dark about the fate of someone you used to know.

There is always something about Christmas and the close of the year that brings long-term issues to a head. My 'special friend' and I had got on pretty well for most of the past year and I believed our situation to be progressing. Sadly, despite my support both intimately, emotionally and accepting his peculiarities, he has reverted back to type. Denial has once again set in along with an urgency to conform to what young men his age are 'expected' to do. The bad attitude and coldness has returned and I’m growing tired of his unpredictability and mercurial nature. The situation has to end or at the very least change, I've had enough of being duped by an individual who is happy to suck all the goodness out of you and give you very little in return.

Onwards and upwards! Here's to 2018! Happy New Year!