The 'Peckhams'

Let me get this straight for the record, the Beckhams, (or 'Peckhams' as Morrissey accurately dubs them), are vile!

Such is their collective imperious nature, they seek to infiltrate all aspects of popular culture. Like a mythical 'hydra', the head honchos and their brattish offspring have footholds in many camps to support their unrelenting dynastic ambitions. Whether it be fashion, performing, music etc, 'Brand Beckham' is the clarion call to all things obsequious and egregious. The phrase, 'Emperors New Clothes' has never been more appropriately placed when applied to that hideous clan of nepotistic reprobates.

Beckham Senior played football for the greatest club in the world but he's still the biggest sack of shit going. Anyone read those leaked emails about UNICEF? His greedy, uncaring, man-child, persona laid bare when the mask of being one of Britain's most celebrated Fathers slipped, revealing his true perverse, egotistical character. No wonder Fergie threw a boot at the imbecile in a fit of rage!

The equally narcissistic 'Queen' Victoria's bizarre, image obsessed demeanour is on par with her previous incarnation as a songstress in The Spice Girls. Both equally abysmal failings in their own right. The only talent that she would register highly on is absurd vapidity! The Beckham matriarch was once interviewed about some tat she was trying to flog to her deluded minions when she exclaimed, "Everyone who knows me will associate me with the scent of figs". Later the male journalist commented on just how oblivious she was to the sheer ludicrous nature of that statement.

As for the next wave of, 'Von Crapps', the eldest has released a picture book of photographs he's taken whilst living his guilded lifestyle, imaginatively titled, 'What I See'. Hoping to be the next Richard Avedon, Rankin or Man Ray, a three year old with a roll of Kodak in a pound shop camera could do better. His shots feature out of focus dinner parties and poorly composed images of an elephant walking away from the camera. Having said that, you can't really blame the elephant...

The youngest spawn is currently training with The Royal Ballet Company, so the parents will be rubbing their money grubbing hands together in the hope she'll be the next Darcey Bussell. To add a further nod to the term, 'Let Them Eat Cake', she's recently had a birthday party at Buckingham Palace. Of course, it's so easy for Mr and Mrs Scrote from Shithouse Estate in Povertyville to organise something like that for their plebeian offspring...isn't it?

Why do we look up to these people? I find them utterly reprehensible. Is the lure of fame and fortune really that inescapable? Or are we just forced, like fodder, to consume their nonsense via a media obsessed with the cult of celebrity? If the news press keep repeating the mantra that these scumbags are to be worshipped and admired, then we all blindly believe it eventually. When will the scales fall from the eyes of society and see that this as nothing but bullshit? Piss taking bullshit at that!

Unfortunately, I think we're stuck with the irksome Beckham family for the foreseeable. Only a, 'Romanov' style execution plot would rid the world their leeching presence.

Personally speaking, I think they should be bludgeoned with a rusty meat cleaver and fed to swine!