I Hate That I Love You

he is the "never again"

that i always find an excuse

to have just one more time

he is my "this is the last time"

that i always want one more time

he is the cold side of the pillow

he is smell after it rains

he is my "everything"

that i want absolutely nothing to do with

sometimes i want him to hold me

other times i want to hold him

by the throat

until he cannot breathe

sometimes i think i want him until i grow old

other times i feel like i might kill him before we get there

there are times when he makes me cry of laughter

and other times he makes me just cry

sometimes i scream at the top of my lungs i hate you

but by the end of the day i always end up whispering in his ear "i love you"

so no matter how much i fight with him

or how much he annoys me

he's still always the one i run back to

and frankly I don't know why

maybe it's because the way he grabs me

after i tell him "don't you dare touch me"

or how i want to be left alone

but he refuses to leave my side

it could possibly even be because when i say i need some peace and quiet

he begins to sing at the top of his lungs

maybe because of all these things i just can't seem to let him go

and honestly i don't want to

so maybe in some sick twisted way,

he makes me hate him so much

that i keep falling more in love with him.

& that's the funny thing about it

i hate him so much

but i wouldn't trade him for the world

@PoetryByRian